


When the Sun Won't Let You Sleep

by allwaswell16



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Antarctica, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Chef Niall, Enemies to Lovers, Engineer Zayn, Explicit Sexual Content, Getting Back Together, Harry is a glaciologist, Larry Abroad Fic Challenge, Light Angst, Louis is an atmospheric scientist/meteorologist, M/M, Research, Research Station, Scientist Harry, Scientist Louis, Sexual Tension, Smut, Station Commander Liam, kind of, mentions of grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-05-23 08:01:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14930342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwaswell16/pseuds/allwaswell16
Summary: Four years ago, Louis Tomlinson left the UK to live on an Antarctic research station for reasons best left in the past. He’s carved out a life for himself on the ice and has dedicated himself to his research, his friends, and especially the Halley VI research station. He’s less than thrilled when he learns that Harry Styles, a glaciologist from another base who once broke his heart, will be coming to Halley, and he’s definitely unprepared for the upheaval Harry brings with him.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> In Antarctica there are only two seasons, winter and summer. Summer on the research stations are roughly from late October through early March, and winter then is from early March through October. It might also be important to remember that during the summer months, there is constant light as the sun never sets. In the winter, there is constant darkness, and the sun never rises. 
> 
> You will find a glossary of terms and places that are used in the fic at the end. I think you can read the fic without the glossary, but just to be on the safe side I included a few of the more common things that come up in the fic that might be confusing. So if you want it, it's there!
> 
> There are implications in the fic about Louis dealing with Jay's death, so I wanted to be sure and mention that in case that's an issue for a reader.

 

/// Prologue ///

 

Cambridge Antarctic Pre-Deployment Training Course

Cambridge, UK

 

_Four years ago_

 

“And that concludes our First Aid Plus program. Tomorrow, as I’m sure you all remember, is the beginning of the Winter Teams Training Week. Those of you wanting to winter at any of the stations will need to take this course. At eight o’clock tomorrow morning we have arranged transportation to take you to Derbyshire to complete your training.”

A hand shoots into the air a few rows in front of Louis. “Ma’am, with all due respect, that is far too early for me to make much of a breakfast.”

“Mr. Horan, with all due respect, you’ll have to deign to eat cereal or yoghurt like the rest of us,” their instructor pronounces with one eyebrow raised. Louis knows the twitch at the corner of her lips means she’s trying to hold back a smile.

Niall visibly shudders. “Ma’am, that is not a true meal.”

“Chef Horan, you’ll have plenty of opportunities once you’re on base to cook some of these fine people a lovely breakfast.” Their instructor glances away from Niall and looks around at the room at each face seated before her. “I wish you all a safe journey to Derbyshire and then on to Antarctica. It’s been a pleasure working with each one of you. And please remember if something doesn’t feel right, trust yourself and follow your instincts.”

Louis listens to the murmur of voices and the scrape of chairs as he leans back in his own chair and stretches his arms over his head. He lets his slightly too long, shaggy hair fall back off his face as he turns to look at the man seated beside him with even longer hair than his own that curls over his shoulders in quite lovely brown waves. The man stares at Louis’ body stretched out before him, a hungry expression on his handsome face.

“Like what you see, Styles?” Louis teases as most of the rest of the group near the exit.

A tongue peeks out of the man’s mouth and runs across his pretty pink lips. “You know I do, sugar.”

Louis groans at Harry’s absurd terms of endearment. “Do _not_ call me 'sugar'.”

“But you taste so sweet, Lou!” Harry protests before he glances around to make sure no one is left in the room. He presses a swift kiss to Louis’ lips. “I think we’ve got a good hour of time right now before they start serving tea.”

“Oh yeah? What should we do with that time do you suppose?” Louis asks, feigning innocence.

“Wanna get off.”

“Well, don’t be so overly romantic, Styles.”

Harry pulls Louis to his feet. “Might be our last chance to be alone for a while. Don’t think we’ll be so lucky with our roommate situation in Derbyshire.”

Louis actually hadn’t considered this. They’d been assigned as roommates together in Cambridge just purely because rooms had been assigned in alphabetical order. There was no guarantee that they’d end up roommates in Derbyshire. Of course, they’re going to be spending the better part of the next year of their lives together on a small research station in Antarctica. Plenty of time to _get off_ together there as Harry not so delicately put it.

He lets himself be pulled along towards their shared bedroom. As soon as the door closes behind him, Harry’s presses him up against it, his lips at the pulse point of his throat. Louis’ body responds so quickly it makes his head spin. He loves this feeling, to be swept away with Harry and forget everything else. So far, this escape from reality is working out very well.

Harry’s arms hold him firmly against his body as his lips find Louis’ again. This kiss has much more intent than the one in the training room. Louis feels heat lick through his veins as Harry’s thigh presses between his legs. It’s all he can do to stand upright. He threads his fingers through Harry’s hair and tugs a bit until he hears Harry moan as he releases Louis’ lips reluctantly.

“Bed,” Louis says.

Harry nods and tugs them towards the small bottom bunk. Harry topples back onto the bed and then crooks his finger. “Come here, baby cakes.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “You’re ruining the mood.”

Harry sits up as best he can without hitting his head and whips off his shirt. “Better?”

Louis lets his eyes roam over the sculpted muscles of Harry’s chest and stomach. He gulps when his eyes reach the tattoos just above the line of his trousers. “Like what you see?”

“You know I do.”

Louis strips his clothes off slowly, taking his time stretching his arms up out of his shirt and bending quite a bit more than necessary to kick off his shoes and the rest of his clothing. He can feel the heat of Harry’s gaze on him. He likes the way Harry watches him more than he cares to think about if he’s honest. He’s always got to have someone’s attention, and he’s grown quite used to having Harry’s during this last month of training.

Yes, he’s definitely hoping for rooms to be assigned alphabetically in Derbyshire.

///

“Welcome to Derbyshire. This week we’ll be doing some practical training in Antarctic camp craft along with glacier travel techniques and crevasse rescue under simulated conditions. You’ll of course receive further training once you’re south, but the crags here provide us a good substitution to train on.”

Louis has been looking forward to this part of the training, a bit more intense than the past month’s sessions. He definitely plans to winter on base at Halley IV. He pushes away thoughts about why he’s heading to the remotest place on the planet for the foreseeable future. He just needs a break from his life here. That’s all really. And it’s a chance to further his career the way he had originally intended.

“We’ll be assigning rooms by the research bases you've chosen to work on. The idea being that you get to know a few people you may be spending your first Antarctic winter with. It’s an experience like no other to be truly isolated with a small group of people. Looks like we don't have anyone going to Bird Island in this group. We've got two of you headed to Signy. Nicole and Molly. You'll be in room nine, down the corridor there.” The trainer looks down at the names on his clipboard again. “Looks like we have two of you stationed at Halley.”

Louis waits for his name to be called along with Harry’s.

“Louis Tomlinson. And Niall Horan. Good luck to you both. You’ll be in room seven, just down that corridor there. Go ahead and have the next hour to yourselves. Quite a few of you heading to Rothera, of course--”

Louis feels like he’s been punched in the gut. He stands up and walks towards Niall in a daze. He doesn’t look at the man he thought he’d be spending the next year of his life with working together, living together. He’d thought this was the start of something not the end. Just another ending. So he was just being used then, just a fuck before they both head off to different remote areas of Antarctica.

He glances at Harry now, but he’s not looking back. His eyes are focused on their trainer. Louis stands up a little straighter. This is good. It’s a good thing, he tells himself. Nothing to distract him from his goals. He’s an atmospheric scientist after all. He’s there to do an incredibly important job, and that’s what he’ll do. And none of that has fuck all to do with Harry fucking Styles.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Halley VI Research Station

Brunt Ice Shelf, Caird Coast of Antarctica

 

_Four years later_

 

Louis takes the steps two at a time to Halley’s upper observatory. He stares at the swirling masses of snow that sweep in huge arcs against the large windows. It looks like he’s in a submarine submerged in a glass of milk. With a sigh he plops into a chair to gaze out at the snow. No use even pretending he’s going to go out in that to launch a weather balloon. Safe to say that the wind is fierce today. He’ll just have to put that in the data notes instead of exact measurements, which always bothers him immensely. A perfectionist at heart, his mum always said.

He quite likes the days he can get outside the station even though it’s always cold enough to freeze your bollocks off without proper clothing. He wonders when this snow will stop and then laughs at himself. No one else to ask when he’s the resident meteorologist.

He’s been too optimistic in wearing warm layers today in anticipation of going outside. He heads back down the stairs into the science module much more slowly than he went up them. He walks back through the living module at the center of the station, fondly known as “Big Red,” on his way to the other end of the station. He passes Niall on his way through the canteen as he steps out of the kitchen.

“Hey, Ni. You were right. Way too wild out there today.”

Niall gives a salute. “Told ya. Don’t ya know the chef’s the smartest person in this place?”

Louis gives a short laugh. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you’ve said. All you did was look out the window.”

“Mate, that’s all I needed to do!” Niall calls after him.

Louis keeps walking through the modules at a quick pace until he reaches the last of the sleeping modules and quietly slides open the door just in case Zayn is taking a nap. The curtain surrounding his bunk is pulled open, the Phillips light acting as his alarm shining on his face, but his eyes are closed.

“Zayn?”

“Mmm?”

“You awake?”

“Mhmmrhmm.”

“Good talk,” Louis says as he sheds a layer of clothes and stuffs them in one of his drawers.

Zayn shuffles about in his bed and half sits up, blinking away the sleep from his eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I gotta get up,” Zayn yawns. “Gotta talk to Edie.”

Louis already has his hand on the door to leave. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, she said some people at Rothera were asking about our satellite images for some reason. See if we had a different view or some shit of something out on the shelf. I told her I’d get back to them today.”

Louis turns around to look at Zayn. “Huh. Weird.”

“Yeah. What are you doing here? Thought you were gonna go send out your balloon.”

Louis frowns. “Too windy.”

Zayn huffs out a laugh. “It’s too windy to measure the wind? Funny that.”

Louis sighs. “Hilarious. You know it doesn’t just measure wind, and now I hilariously can’t put precise measurements for today, much less the additional data I was hoping to compile. You know how I hate to have interrupted data, I mean--”

“Halley has fifty years of uninterrupted research, which is the entire reason you chose to work here,” Zayn finger quotes the line Louis perhaps says a bit too often when things don’t go his way. “We all know why you’re here, Lou. You do realise you personally don’t have to be the one doing the uninterrupted research though, right?”

Louis shrugs and slides open the door. He pauses when he hears Zayn’s voice again.

“I’ve been thinking about getting my own place in Bradford this winter. You could--I don’t know--be my flatmate there, too,” Zayn says as he swings his legs off the bed.

Louis turns back around to look at him. “What? You don’t get enough of me here?”

“You don’t have to spend every winter on the station, Louis.”

“Thanks for the offer. I’ll--think about it.”

They know he won’t. When the last boat leaves Antarctica before the darkness sets in, they both know Louis won’t be on it.

///

As Louis records ozone measurements from the spectrophotometer, Zayn appears at the top of the steps onto the observation deck. Louis doesn’t look up at him until he’s close enough that he realises Zayn must be here to speak with him specifically, but when he glances his way, Zayn is staring out the windows.

“It really is fucking windy out there.”

“Yep. Did you need me for something?”

“Nah, I was looking for Andy. The glaciologists at Rothera want him to put some data together for them. I just came from the comm’s office.”

“Oh.” Just the mention of glaciologists at the largest of the British Antarctic Survey research stations makes Louis’ stomach flip. It’s annoying to say the least that he still hasn’t quite forgotten Harry Styles. “Uh, what are they looking for?”

“Well, they’ve been monitoring the ice chasms south of here, and I guess they think there might have been movement on a crack to the north. I told them I’ve got more satellite images here, but that Andy could get them any recorded data on it. To be honest, there probably isn’t much since Isabell left. If they wanted nicely evaluated ice data, they should have replaced our glaciologist. They’ll have to go through any images we’ve got.”

“So you gonna send them all the images?” Louis asks.

“Won’t be able to send all that, no. Edie says there’s not enough bandwidth.”

Louis snorts. “When is there ever enough bandwidth around here?”

“Exactly. So I guess they’re sending one of their glaciologists here to check on the situation.”

Louis’ stomach does a somersault. “Did they say which one’s coming?”

“Uh, yeah, Henry something. Steels? Something like that.”

“Harry Styles,” Louis says in a low voice nearly to himself.

“Yeah, that’s it. Henry Styles.”

Louis doesn’t bother to correct him again.

///

“So just a quick update.” Liam, their summer base commander, stands at the center of the rec area with all seventy staff members surrounding him. “We have a glaciologist from Rothera flying in tomorrow to take a look at the ice chasms south of the station. Obviously, there are some serious concerns about how they’re widening.”

Louis exchanges a wary look with Zayn. He doesn’t love the sound of what ice chasms mean for the station.

Liam turns to their field assistant. “Lauren, start making plans to take him out on the ice in the next few days. He’ll probably want to look at the images when he first gets here though.”

Lauren nods her head in agreement probably already excited at the thought of pulling out her best snowmobiles and sleds. Louis hides a smile. She’s an interesting one alright, but then again, most of the people who choose to work in Antarctica are all a bit on the _\--interesting_ side, including himself.

“I know most of us are already sharing a pit room, but sorry, one of you will soon be getting a roommate. Niall, get ready to share your space.”

“Oh, come on!” Niall shouts out as he jumps to his feet. No one feels any sympathy as nearly everyone else is already sharing a room anyway.

Liam just laughs. “The bloke says he knows you from training camp, Harry Styles.”

Niall’s gaze shoots right to Louis before he sits back down. Louis’ heart beats a little harder in his chest. He tells himself that Niall only looked at him because they all trained together. It makes sense. The odd look on Niall’s face unnerves him slightly though. It’s fine. He’ll just steer clear. Not like he has a lot to do with the ice anyway. He’s here for the sky.

“Guess we’ll be seeing a lot of Harry Styles,” Zayn says as Liam dismisses the group and they all stand up to get back to work. “What did I accidentally call him? Henry Steels?”

Zayn laughs at his mistake, and Louis tries to join in as best he can. “Well, you’ll probably have to deal with him in the electronics lab, but I won’t really.”

Zayn raises an eyebrow. “We all live in capsules on an ice shelf in Antarctica. Pretty sure we’re gonna see a lot of him. What’s this all about anyway?”

Louis shrugs and feigns ignorance as they head towards the science modules.

“Ohhhhhhh, right,” Zayn says with a snap of his fingers. “Training camp. You trained with Niall and this guy. I should have realised when you knew his name earlier. So what’s up with him? He a wanker or what?”

Louis just shrugs again.

“You’re acting weird.”

“No, I’m not,” Louis says quickly.

“Yeah, you are. Guess I’ll figure it out myself when Henry Steels shows up.” Zayn cackles as he heads into the electronics lab, leaving Louis to frown and head for the observation deck.

///

The next day they’re all summoned back to the rec area to greet the newcomer. Louis stares out the windows of the meteorological observation room at the glare of white before him and lets his eyes glaze over until he no longer has to squint. He sighs and rolls his shoulders a bit, psyching himself up to go face the music.

“It’s nothing,” he mutters to himself as he shakes out his arms. It was all just nothing. It didn’t mean anything. At least not to Harry. Harry probably barely remembers him. It’s been four years after all. Who remembers the guy you slept with a few times four years ago? He tries not to remember that it was definitely more than a few times. He slowly makes his way towards Big Red, only hurrying when he hears Liam’s voice.

“--glad to have him here whilst we do. We’ll be giving priority to Harry for use of any imaging, radar, and GPS while he’s here as well as with any necessary communications with Rothera.”

Louis slips in behind the communications manager in the back, and Edie shoots him a curious look at his late entrance. He gathers his courage for a brief moment before letting his eyes search for him. He can sense Harry’s presence before he sees him. The bright light of an Antarctic summer sun shines through the enormous geometric windows of Halley’s rec area. Harry stands in front of the large panes, leaning against the small ledge. It appears Harry’s attention is trained on Liam, but Louis can hardly tell, his eyes dazzled by the light as though it was there to protect him from having to face the man in front of him just yet.

His eyes gradually focus although he’s heard almost none of what Liam has said. His ears buzz with the sound of the blood pumping through his veins. He tries to stifle the wheezy gasp he involuntarily makes when he can finally see Harry. No one notices the sound what with everyone listening to Liam except one person, the only one Louis doesn’t want to notice.

He feels the a clear, green gaze fall upon his face, and he freezes, pinned to the spot and unable to move away from the stare. His mind whirs with questions that have nothing to do with this meeting. It mainly focuses on how someone could look the same after four years and yet look so different at the same time. It collects the distinct physical differences: his hair cut short, his frame filled out, his clothing slightly more appropriate for Antarctica rather than the UK. But he also notes the same wildly handsome face, the same unnerving stare, the same unwavering confidence. Louis’ mind tries to shut down in self preservation, but it collects information against his will as though searching for data to ease the tightness in his chest. It files away the impassive demeanor, the hard set of his jaw, the arms folded over his chest for further study at a later date when he isn’t holding his breath.

Louis’ not sure what he expected to see, but the man framed in the blinding light isn’t the one he knew. He tears his gaze away when other people start moving around him, clearly having been dismissed from a meeting he heard almost nothing of. As he quickly turns and heads back towards the science modules, he reminds himself that he never really knew Harry Styles anyway.

///

Louis spends the rest of the morning in the observation room until his stomach growls enough times that he admits he needs to go eat again. It doesn’t usually bother him that they need to eat five times a day here to keep their caloric intakes up properly, but it does today. He tries to steel his nerves a bit at the thought of running into Harry in the canteen. He’s going to have to speak to him at some point. Zayn’s right, there’s really no avoiding anyone in this confined space.

This doesn’t mean that he can’t cautiously peek into the room just to give himself prior warning if Harry’s in there or not.

“Whatcha doing?”

Louis lets out an absurd yelp before he turns around to scowl at Zayn. “Nothing. I was just going to eat lunch.”

“Mmhmm. Looked like you were spying on people in the canteen.”

“Well, I wasn’t. I was just--” Louis doesn’t really have a very good answer for this, so he just shrugs instead.

Zayn claps a hand on his back. “You’re acting strange, mate. But I figure it has to do with this Harry bloke. And he must really be--something for you to be acting so weird.”

“No, I--” Louis tries to respond, but Zayn steers him into the room anyway as they go collect their lunches. It’s quite a simple meal, beans on toast. They’ll get their larger meal at an early dinner in a few hours. Louis’ grateful to have something he can eat quickly and be able to leave these common spaces quickly.

They sit, and Louis nervously eyes the door whilst pretending he’s not. He’s fairly certain Zayn knows what he’s doing though. At some point, he’ll probably have to fess up about this whole stupid Harry business. He just feels like an idiot about it.  

The canteen has pretty well cleared out, seeing as how Louis waited until the last moment to eat, so Niall finds them just as they’re finishing up. He catches Louis’ eye and strides over to them, plopping down on the bench next to Zayn.

“Hey. You’ll be able to fly your balloon today, Lou. Looks like the weather’s calmed down since yesterday.” Niall looks at him a bit more pointedly then. “Well, ‘course it has. They could never have flown Harry out in yesterday’s whirlwind.”

Louis swallows his last bite of toast, nearly choking on it. He takes a sip of water to cover his response.

He coughs a few times before he says, “Yeah, I’ll be heading out right after this.”

Zayn eyes them both carefully, but doesn’t say anything.

“So--” Niall begins. “You ah--talked to him yet?”

Louis plasters an innocent look on his face. “Talked to who?”

Zayns snorts, but he ignores it.

Niall gives him an odd look. “Harry. I know it’s been a while, but--I dunno. You two were thick as thieves at training camp there for a while.”

Zayn’s eyebrows shoot through the roof.

“It was four years ago, Ni,” Louis says as he stands up. “Well, better head on outside.”

He leaves Zayn and Niall with looks of curiosity on their faces, which doesn’t bode well for his peace of mind.

///

Half an hour later, Louis slathers his face in suncream and suits up in his regular outdoor gear: a familiar weatherproof yellow anorak, hat, gloves, boots, and protective scarf. He won’t be out too long, so he gladly leaves behind his goggles and just slides on sunnies instead. He heads out through the snow to inflate the balloon in a small outbuilding just north of the station. At precisely 14:00 he stands out on the platform of the building as he and meteorologists all over the world launch their balloons carrying radiosondes trailing behind them into the upper atmosphere. He sighs in relief knowing they won’t have another day of interrupted data and watches as it climbs higher and higher into the sky until it’s just a speck of white against the bright blue of the sky. He finally drops his eyes when it disappears into a cloud.

His gaze lands upon a few other yellow anoraks walking out towards the SnoCats and snowmobiles. He recognises Lauren’s distinctive gait. The other two are a bit harder to place, but he’d take his chances it’s Harry and Liam. They must already be making plans to go out on the ice.

Louis climbs down off the platform and starts walking slowly back towards the station. The sooner Harry can check the chasms and measure whatever it is he needs to measure in person, the sooner he’ll be gone out of Louis’ life again. The thought doesn’t quite give him as much pleasure as he thought it would.

///

Tea rolls around far too soon. He frowns at the clock and knows if he doesn’t show up in the next few minutes that Zayn will come looking for him. He sighs and closes out the window on the computer screen. The data can wait for a little longer. In fact, he plans on working late tonight and not bothering to socialise in the rec area like he normally would. Not for any particular reason.

He takes too long because Zayn does indeed poke his head in the doorway. “Lou, you have to eat.”

“I know I do. But what? You can’t eat without me holding your hand or summat?”

Zayn glares at him. “Don’t be an arsehole. You know I can barely tolerate anyone else in this station. I’d sit with Niall, but he’s always busy cooking when I want to eat, obviously.”

“You’re nice to Liam.” Louis winks. He’s long suspected Zayn’s got a thing for Liam.

Zayn’s cheeks turns just slightly pinker. “He’s our boss. We have to be nice to him.”

Louis scoffs. “I’m not.”

“That’s because you’re an arsehole.”

“Well, I guess if I’m such an arsehole I’ll just take my presence elsewhere tonight.”

“Shut up and come eat,” Zayn says, exasperation plain in his voice. “You have to eat even if Harry is in there. Can’t you just say hi and be polite? What the fuck did this guy do to you?”

Louis jumps up from his seat, ready to end this line of questioning. “Nothing. It was--nothing. Come on. I’m starving. You gotta eat, Zayn.”

Zayn rolls his eyes before following him out of the science modules and into Big Red. They head through the line and take their plates of salmon and potatoes to their usual table towards the back of the room. He spots Harry almost immediately like he’s got some kind of fucked up Harry radar in his head. Harry finds him almost as quickly.

There aren’t nearly as many people or as much space as there was between them earlier in the day, and he can clearly see Harry’s carefully blank expression change almost imperceptibly with the slight raise of his eyebrow and a look of recognition. Louis looks down at his plate to sever the contact and just prays Harry won’t feel the need to come say hello.

When he dares to look up again, he sees Harry’s politely blank expression back on his face as he listens to Liam chatter next to him. Louis’ been so distracted that he’s hardly eaten a bite. He quickly shovels food into his mouth, better to leave as soon as possible. If he can just avoid Harry another day or so, he’ll be in the clear.

Zayn sighs loudly and captures his attention.

“What?”

“Are you ever going to explain or is this always going to be a mystery? Do Niall and I need to start compiling clues?”

Louis shrugs. “Maybe you could put the clues on a big cork board and try to find patterns. You do work in science after all.”

“I’m an engineer. I work with scientific instruments. I can fix your radiometer, but probably not your love life.”

“Lucky I don’t need help with that then.” Louis stands up and gathers his cup and plate and silverware. “This has nothing to do with my love life.”

Zayn stands up and gathers his things, too. “Sure, no help needed, clearly. You live in Antarctica and never go home, and you just limit all sex to journalists and photographers and people you’ll never see again after a few days.”

The sound of a throat clearing startles them both.

“Hello.”

He thought he’d forgotten what Harry’s voice sounds like. Deep and resonant, it seeps beneath his skin like wet snow and makes him shiver. He swallows down his panic and tries to remain calm.

“Hi,” he croaks. Not the best start.

“Hello,” Zayn replies, setting down his plate and cup and reaching out a hand in greeting. “Zayn Malik, I’m in the electronics lab.”

“Harry Styles, glaciologist from Rothera.” Harry shakes Zayn’s hand before turning to Louis.

He has no idea what he expected to happen, but Harry’s face is a mask of politeness as he reaches out to take Louis’ hand in a firm handshake. “Nice to see you again, Louis. We were in training together in Cambridge.”

It’s a close thing to keep his jaw from falling open.

“Yeah, Cambridge,” he echoes. “I know.”

Harry nods in acknowledgement, and Louis feels like he’s been slapped across the face.

“Well, good to meet you, Zayn,” Harry says politely. “Louis.”

He turns and walks back towards Liam across the room as Louis’ heart threatens to jump out of his chest.

“Well--” Zayn says and Louis turns to look at him. “That was some real bullshit. Come on. Let’s go get a beer.”

///

The maximum two beers they’re allowed on base does not help him drown out any memory of Harry, but it also means he doesn’t wake up with a regrettable hangover the next day. He leaves Zayn still asleep and begins making his way towards the gym in the hopes of working off some of his excess energy.

As he nears the gym, he hears the tell tale sign of someone on the treadmill and suddenly remembers that Harry always liked to do early morning workouts. He quickly retreats back down the stairs and into the kitchen where he finds Niall preparing the first meal of the day.

“Porridge, eh?”

“Porridge,” Niall confirms. “Would you like yours now?”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Put something sweet in it, too, would you?”

“On it.” Niall adds a handful of raisins and a bit of sugar to the bowl before handing it over to Louis.

Instead of heading into the dining area of the canteen, he stays put in the kitchen, eating his porridge at the counter and trying to keep out of Niall’s way.

“Some reason you’re eating early today?” Niall calls out over his shoulder as he chops fruit.

“Nah. Not really. Probably go work out after this.”

“You uh--talk to Harry yet?” Louis can tell Niall’s trying to keep his tone casual, but Louis hears the curious note in it.

He swallows a bite of porridge. “Yeah. He basically introduced himself to me last night at tea.”

Niall drops the knife and whirls around. “He fucking didn’t.”

“He fucking did,” Louis says with a laugh. “It’s fine, Niall. I mean, yeah, we were--roommates for a bit, but--”

“Don’t say you weren’t friends and insult my intelligence. It’s legendary, you know.”

“What is?”

“My intelligence. World renowned intellect up here.” Niall taps his forehead twice with his finger before turning around to keep chopping.

“Ah, of course. A legend. Right here in Halley’s kitchen.”

Not for the first time, Louis thinks again about how lucky he is that Niall decided on Halley, too. Zayn usually goes home to Bradford every winter, but Niall nearly always stays on base with Louis and the other few crew members who brave the Antarctic darkness to keep Halley running.

The darkness sometimes creeps in then, and Louis finds himself with only his own thoughts, which is what he tries best to avoid. When he looks at the shimmering purples and greens of the Aurora Australis in the dark Antarctic sky, he can forget his own small place in the universe, but sometimes he thinks about why he’s escaped to Antarctica and wonders why Niall stays here, too.

///

Louis launches the weather balloon at the usual precise time and watches it float gracefully into the clouds. He squints against the sunlight and shades his eyes as he watches until it drifts out of his line of vision. Just as he’s about to climb down off the platform, he sees the signs of two snowmobiles in the distance. He watches them grow closer and closer to the station and knows it’s most likely Harry and a few field assistants returning from monitoring the ice chasms to the south.

It’s not that he’s forgotten Harry’s purpose in being at Halley, but it’s been shoved to the back of his mind in favour of replaying the humiliation of Harry acting as though they barely know each other. He finds himself a bit anxious now to know now what Harry’s found out there on the ice.

He trudges back inside and checks the ozone levels from the Dobson spectrophotometer and then decides to take a break before he goes to look at the data that the weather balloon’s radiosondes send back. At the northern edge of the station, he ducks into what’s known as the quiet room and thankfully finds it empty. He plops into a chair and pulls out some paper and a pen and writes a letter to his eldest sister, Lottie, whilst he enjoys this bit of a reprieve. He tells her about what’s been happening at Halley and about his research. He throws in a funny story about Niall. She always like to hear those. She’ll know to share that part at least with all the rest of his siblings. He doesn’t mention any new glaciologists even though that’s something he would most definitely mention had it been anyone other than Harry.

When he’s done with the letter, he listens to the Arctic Monkeys unironically for a while before standing and just gazing at the never ending light outside the windows. This time of year the sun doesn’t even set. The constant light is nearly as bothersome as the constant darkness, or so Louis thinks even if no one else seems to agree.

 

In the summer months he tries to keep to a strict schedule or else he works too much, the constant light outside making him think there’s always more to be done. But just this once, he’ll take his break off schedule. Having Harry around sets his nerves on edge.

He ends up not needing to worry about running into Harry at lunch or tea as Harry never shows his face in the canteen, at least not whilst Louis is there. Liam never shows up either. He wonders what that means.

Shortly after their last meal of the day, the entire crew is notified of a staff meeting in the rec area. The scene is reminiscent of Harry’s welcome onto the station a few days ago. Harry stands silhouetted against the light pouring in from the windows behind him even though it’s nearly 20:00. Louis is a few minutes early this time, not wanting to be caught out as being late again, but he stands to the side against the wall trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

It doesn’t really work. Harry’s eyes glide over the crowd and find him almost immediately. He’s sure his mind is fooling him into thinking Harry’s gaze lingers on his face. For one brief moment, he thinks he sees a hint of emotion, but it fades before he can be sure.

When it looks like everyone’s gathered, Liam clears his throat and that’s enough to capture everyone’s attention. Liam may be a friendly bloke, but he’s their boss and well respected. No matter how often Louis may wind him up, he knows how capable Liam is at his job.

“Hello all. I’m sure many of you are curious about why you’ve all been gathered here again as well as what our glaciologist has found out on the ice. Harry here as well as the team that’s been monitoring the ice chasms to the south of us from the air and satellite information have led us to believe that there is imminent danger to the station from the two largest of the chasms. I will present you all the information on the chasms in the morning, but since a decision has been made, I felt it was best you heard it from me before any rumours get started.” Liam pauses and takes a breath. “There’s been a determination made between myself and the head of polar operations that Halley must be moved.”

Louis’ eyes fly to Harry’s face, but it remains impassive.

An outbreak of murmurs begins before Liam’s voice continues. “As I’ve said, I will have something prepared in the morning about why we’ve reached this decision. In the coming days, we will begin implementing the plan we have in place for just such an occasion. Halley IV after all was designed to be able to move.”

Liam gives them his most reassuring look and tone, and Louis is reminded again of how competent Liam is at this, his command of people. They’d follow him anywhere.

“I will be presenting the complete plan to you in the next few days, but for now, a brief overview of it would be that we will be creating temporary shelters and storage next to the station whilst we attempt our best to keep all experiments and data streams running during the weeks it will require to move Halley further east onto the ice shelf. Get some rest tonight, and try not to worry too much. We’re a great team, and we’ll do this together.” He looks at them all with assurance written across his face. “We’ll also be counting on Harry here to keep us updated as he’ll be staying here at Halley during our move to continue to monitor the ice.”

Louis’ eyes fly to Harry, which is when he realises that Harry has been watching him. He hopes it’s only surprise on his face rather than the panic that is coursing through him. Halley is moving, and Harry is staying. At least for now. Fuck.

Liam nods his head in dismissal, and while many people look concerned as they all exit Big Red and head towards either the science modules to complete their work or off to their pit rooms to sleep, Louis knows they all have confidence in Liam’s decision. It is what it is. Halley must be moved.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis has trouble sleeping the night he learns about moving the station. He thrashes around so much that Zayn finally tells him to either take a sleeping pill or go sleep in the quiet room. He takes the pill. When he wakes up to his alarm, it’s with the hazy, almost hungover feeling he gets after taking a sleeping pill in the night. 

He’s so out of it that he momentarily forgets that anything has changed. He pulls on workout clothes, his mind still groggy. It’s not until he’s actually in the gym and faced with a shirtless Harry running on the treadmill, sweat glistening down his muscled back, that he remembers.  _ Harry here. Halley move. _ This is all his brain can manage to come up with. 

He ignores Harry’s presence and hops on the stationary bicycle and starts pedaling. He’s not even sure Harry knows he’s in the room. The treadmill is the only piece of equipment that faces the small window of the gym, and Harry’s earbuds mean he’s listening to something. He snorts, probably something ridiculous like a podcast about something obscure. 

An unwelcome memory surfaces as he pedals a bit faster. His mind brings up an image of Harry in bed at training camp and his expressive faces as he listened to a podcast as though each piece of information was a spectacular revelation until finally he’d insisted on hearing whatever it was Harry was listening to. It had been about parrots. 

Louis had laughed so hard, and Harry had pursed his lips into a pout that Louis had kissed off his face. Their first kiss. Fuck.

Louis pedals harder, faster. 

“You’re gonna fall right off that thing if you’re not careful.”

Louis nearly does fall off the bike at the far too close voice in his ear. Harry and his fucking voice, deep and rumbling. It’s a voice from hell. A voice that once held heavenly promises. 

Louis whips around, but it’s only to find Harry’s polite look back on his face. He thought perhaps since Harry was here for the duration that he would stop this absurd farce of pretending they don’t know each other. He almost says,  _ you know you’ve had my cock in your mouth, you dickhead. _ But he refrains. Instead, he ignores Harry and heads for the treadmill, which is what he came in here for in the first place. 

He glances behind him, hoping to see Harry’s retreat down the stairs, but no such luck. Now, he’s lifting weights. He only watches him for a moment, but it’s a moment too long. Harry hoists the barbell, his muscles straining, and lifts an eyebrow at Louis’ notice. He quickly turns around and starts running. He’s almost thankful he’s stuck running on a machine. If he could run outside and actually find civilisation, he might have done a runner and never come back.

///

The entire crew spends the morning first hearing Liam’s presentation on what’s happening with the ice chasms to the south and then the procedures that will be undertaken to move the station. He finishes with the very detailed plan of how the current crew will be working on building temporary shelters and moving everything from Halley into them, beginning immediately as the entire process of decommissioning and moving Halley may take thirteen weeks at their best estimate. 

Louis may be a scientist, but he knows he’ll also be required to do some manual labour in the process of decommissioning the station. When there’s a crisis, everyone is expected to pitch in however they can, and Louis is used to helping with various things around the station. He knows this station nearly better than anyone, and last year he’d been the winter base commander with only a skeleton crew left behind to brave the long, dark months. 

He’d almost welcome the physical labour at this point as a way to keep himself from thinking too much, but he doesn’t exactly know how to turn a storage container into laboratories and a canteen. So for now, he’s stuck just watching a few builders who flew in this morning through the windows of the upper observation deck. After he continues his experiments and collects and sends out data reports, he finds himself just watching the builders make measurements. 

“Hey, Lou.” He turns at the sound of his name. Liam has joined him up on deck. He’d seen Liam out there most of the day, and the signs of being outdoors in Antarctica for an extended period of time are written on Liam’s face in the form of a slight tan but for around his eyes where the goggles protected them. Not the time to wind him up then.

“Hey, Li. How’s it going?”

Liam glances out the large windows and then scrubs a hand over his face. He lets out a breath, his shoulders sagging a bit, as though he can finally let down his guard now that he’s just with Louis. “How do you think it’s going?”

Louis huffs out a laugh at the look of disbelief on Liam’s face. “I’d guess this hasn’t been the most stress free week of your life.”

“Tell me I’m making the right decision, base commander to base commander.”

Louis holds his hands up in protest. “I’m not the base commander right now.”

“You’re the winter commander.”

“Yeah of like thirteen people. Not eighty or however many people are around here now,” Louis scoffs. “I just gotta keep the lights on for a few months.”

Liam blows out a long breath. “So you think I made the wrong choice?”

“What? No.” Louis snorts. “Li, even if I didn’t agree now, I would always assume you’d be proved right in the end. And if it makes you feel better, I  _ do _ think you’re making the right decision.”

“Thanks, Lou.”

“Anytime, mate. And after all, it would be hard to explain to your boss why you let a multi million pound research station float out to sea on an iceberg.”

///

Over the next few days, Louis lives very carefully. He eats breakfast in the kitchen with Niall before only daring to show his face in the gym after he knows Harry will be gone from it. He only eats his other meals during the busiest times of the day so as to be able to blend in well and not invite notice or any more awkwardly polite conversations. And he spends all his free time on the upper observation deck, watching the temporary shelters being built. 

All the additional staff, primarily made up of carpenters, plumbers, electricians, and a road crew currently creating a road of snow to the new site, have pitched a small number of tents between the station and the temporary shelters. Louis knows that’s what awaits them as well. Tent life. For fuck knows how long, but definitely weeks of time. He tries not to think about the discomfort. No use borrowing trouble, his mum always said.

Louis stares hard out the window and tries to beat that thought back into his brain. He can’t think about that right now. He has enough to worry about here at the station to be worrying about home, but he does make a mental note to get down to the comm’s office and see about speaking to his siblings soon. 

Large shipping containers have been towed to the site of the temporary shelter camp as well as piles of plywood that are being used to construct a livable space for the Halley staff. Well, the staff plus one interloper from Rothera. Just the thought of Harry irritates him. He doesn’t really see the use of having him stay on base. He’s already measured the ice chasms and related his dire news to everyone. Why doesn’t he go already? 

He chooses to not remember that Halley usually  _ does _ have a resident glaciologist and that she just happens to be home in Newcastle having a baby at the moment. This is all clearly Isabell’s fault. The reasonable side of him does understand that Harry will be making more trips out to the chasms to record their movements, but it doesn’t stop him from being appalled that technology has not yet advanced their GPS or drones to a point where glaciologists don’t have to actually travel to giant cracks in ice shelves. 

“Wow, the view is incredible! I should come up here more often.”

Louis freezes at the sound of Harry’s voice. He’s been so careful to avoid him, and now here he is mucking it all up by being in Louis’ space. Louis clenches his jaw and just says, “Mmmm.”

Louis clicks at a random computer and hopes to not be caught out that he’s faking being busy, hoping Harry will take the hint and leave. It doesn’t work. Harry doesn’t move, but he at least has the grace to just look out the windows instead of at Louis. 

“I’m heading back out on the ice tomorrow if the weather cooperates.”

Louis barely refrains from saying,  _ who the fuck cares?  _ But he knows that would just lead to a talk he doesn’t care to have. However, he doesn’t have a mask in place when Harry suddenly turns around to look at him. He quickly tries to school his irritation, but he’s sure Harry notices if the look on his face is any indication. Harry’s lips purse and lines appear between his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry says, sounding not at all sorry. “I’m not being clear. I’m asking you as the resident meteorologist what the weather will be like tomorrow.”

Of fucking course. All business over here. Not like this man has called him by a thousand pet names or whispered filthy words of praise in his ear as he comes. No, he just wants to know what the weather will be like. It’s fine. Louis is fine. He’s not losing it at all. 

He clears his throat and desperately tries to remember what he thinks the weather will be like tomorrow. “Should be fine.”

He has no idea if it’s going to be  _ fine _ out tomorrow, but then again, “if there’s one thing you can’t count on around here, it’s the weather.”

Harry looks at him for a few beats too long. “You’re literally a meteorologist. You’re supposed to know the weather. In advance.”

Louis shrugs. “It’s Antarctica.”

///

Louis decides that now that he and Harry have had a conversation one-on-one, even if it was just about the weather, everything should be perfectly fine from here on out. They aren’t going to be mates or anything, but surely they can be cordial colleagues. 

He finds it a lot harder in practice than in theory. 

When he and Zayn walk into their late evening meal behind Harry, he offers them a polite hello. 

“How’s it going, Henry?” Zayn asks, the only hint that he’s being cheeky is the extra sparkle in his eyes.

“Oh, ehmmm--it’s actually Harry?”

“You don’t sound so sure, Henry,” Louis adds with a cackle aimed at Zayn who laughs accordingly. 

Harry offers them a tight lipped smile before turning around to gather his food and go sit with Liam.

///

The next morning Louis spends much of it in the electronics lab pestering Zayn who is supposed to be fixing one of their drones, so Harry can send it out over the fracture in the ice to the north of the station that was apparently discovered not long ago. 

When Harry shows up mid-day to check on the progress, Zayn just shrugs when Harry asks if it’s ready. “Not yet.”

“Okay, um--well, when do you think it will be ready? I’m about to go out to the ice chasms south of here, but I’d like to be able to--”

“Dunno. Later.”

Harry shoots a look at Louis who has placed a Santa hat on the drone. It’s quite obvious Louis isn’t there to help. Louis flashes him a large, ridiculous smile. Harry looks taken aback for a moment, but then quickly regains control of himself.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, Zayn. I’ll check back later.”

“Cheers, Henry.”

Harry’s jaw clenches. 

“Bye, Henry!” Louis echoes.

Louis watches him walk stiffly through the door without another word. 

///

A few days later, Edie finally has a chance for Louis to call his siblings. He ducks into the communications manager’s office and waits for her to tell him when he can call. 

“There’s a bit of time here in a few minutes after the data from this morning’s lab results are finished sending. Then, the only bandwidth problem you might have is with anyone using their computers.”

She checks to make sure all necessary data has gone out, and then turns back to him. “Go ahead, Louis.”

He’s ready to dial the number when Harry suddenly appears in the doorway.

“Good afternoon, Edie. Did you get that data sent to Rothera?”

“Yep. Just sent it.”

“Great, great. I need to send a few more things now that I didn’t get a chance to--”

“Sorry, Harry. Louis is going to use the phone to call home, and then I’d be happy to send whatever you want on. Well, as long as we have enough--”

“Bandwidth--”

“Bandwidth--”

Anyone who has ever spoken to Edie knew the end of that sentence, but Louis still doesn’t like the implication that Harry is starting to know  _ his _ station’s crew so well. 

“Yes, Edie. I know, bandwidth. Shouldn’t be a problem if I can just sneak in and--”

Louis smiles like the Cheshire cat and picks up the phone again. Harry does not in fact know Edie the way he does. 

A hard, stern look crosses her face and her brogue becomes more pronounced. “I  _ said _ , Louis is going to use the phone now. I don’t know how things are run at Rothera, but here at Halley we believe strongly in having as best a work-life balance as we can. Don’t get me started on the gender differences and the perception of role identity on the work-life balance here.”

Harry holds his hands up in surrender. “Sorry! Sorry! Didn’t mean to imply anything. Just--it’s kind of impor--”

Edie’s look of disdain has Harry backing away towards the door. “Okay, okay. I get it. I do. I’m sure Louis needs the--balance.”

“We all need the balance,” Edie declares sternly. 

Louis waves gleefully at Harry’s retreating figure. He can see Harry still hanging onto his composure as he looks back at Louis’ wave. He can only hope he’s seething a bit inside.

“Go ahead, Lou,” Edie sniffs as though she’s been personally insulted. Louis hides a smile and rings Lottie’s cell phone. He’s thankful that at least the time zones aren’t very different between here and home, but he hopes they’re all together and can talk to all of them.

“Lou?”

“Hey, Lots. How’s it--”

“LOU IS ON THE PHONE! EVERYONE COME HERE!” He hears Lottie scream out through the house.

There’s a commotion on the other end of the line as he hears various voices all clamoring for attention. He hears his name called out multiple times, and he can’t help the smile that creeps across his face. He listens to Fizzy and Phoebe chatter on about their lives, and Doris and Ernest send him kisses. He knows he only has a few short minutes left when Daisy seems to manage to make her way through. 

“When are you coming home, Louis?”

“Oh, um--I dunno, love. I just saw you lot what a few months ago?”

“Lou that was in South Africa. Will we always have to go to South Africa to see you? When are you coming home?”

Then, he hears Lottie’s voice back on the line. “Sorry, Lou. They miss you though, you know. I know you don’t have time to really talk now, but just--think about it. We love you, and I know this is important to you. But just--you weren’t supposed to be gone this--”

“I know,” Louis cuts her off. A thousand arrows seem to go right through him. This is the first time any of them have called him on his bullshit, and he didn’t know how fucking shit it was going to feel. “Lottie, I know. I’m really sorry. I’m the winter station commander, but I know that’s not an excuse, I just--I would meet you in South Africa again, but things are a mess here what with the station moving and--”

“We understand, Lou,” Lottie says sadly and nothing has ever made him feel worse. “Don’t be a stranger.”

The echo of his mother’s words in his sister’s voice presses down on his chest. “I won’t. I love you lot so much.”

“We love you, too.”

When he hangs up, he glances at Edie who has been pretending to work during the call. She turns to look at him with sympathy.

“It’s a bit of a fantasy world here, isn’t it?” She says. “Not much you can do about anything that’s going on at home. Just remember that this isn’t your whole life, Louis.”

“Are you going to have a go at me about work-life balance?” He jokes.

“No, I won’t.” She smiles. “But it’s something to think about.”

///

After about a week of construction, it’s finally time to start decommissioning the station. Louis has been dreading this moment. It makes him incredibly nervous to shut down any part of their equipment, but he knows he doesn’t have a choice. 

Absolutely everyone pitches in. All scientific equipment is first, carefully crated with the removal overseen by the people who use it. Louis helps carry out Dobson, the spectrophotometer, ready to throw himself beneath it should anyone slip or drop it. 

“Calm the fuck down,” Zayn says as he helps Louis carry out the rest of the equipment. “You’re driving everyone mad. You think I’m not worried about everyone fucking dropping my shit in the snow?”

“Sorry, sorry. I know. I’m a little--keyed up.”

Zayn just snorts as they carefully set up things inside the storage containers turned laboratories. Then, they head back out to help move everything, absolutely everything, out of the common areas of the station. Niall’s kitchen was one of the first things to be moved.

“Listen, no one wants an interruption of their food. You gits better help move me first.”

And Niall was right. Everyone hastened to move the kitchen as quickly as possible. Zayn and Louis get on just the last bit of stored food, and then move onto helping move books and chairs out of the quiet room. They’ll all get a few last nights of sleep on board the station before beginning to move into the tents, so none of their personal items need to be removed just yet.

As he and Zayn finish with the books, they start heading towards the labs to see if anyone else needs help when they overhear Edie’s annoyed voice.

“Harry, I know your data is important, but in case you haven’t noticed we’re all a little busy today.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, it’s just I’m concerned that--”

“Harry! There’s nothing I can do until things are up and running again! Go bother someone else to connect my office to the generator. Actually, I was about to do just that before you interrupted me!”

Louis puts a finger to his lips and Zayn nods in acknowledgement just as Louis ducks behind one of the hydraulic legs of Big Red. He scoops up a bit of snow and pats it into a small ball before setting it down in front of him and packing up another and another. And then he waits. He watches as Harry begins walking back towards the station and starts a countdown with his fingers in Zayn’s direction behind him. He already knows without looking that Zayn has done the exact same thing. 

_ One--two--three, _ he motions silently.

On three he winds his arm back and releases his snowball in Harry’s direction.

“What the--”

He picks up another as one flies over his head behind him in Harry’s direction. They really only have six or seven snowballs total, but for one brief glorious moment, Harry is being pelted with snowballs. The whole thing might have been played off as all in fun, but for the last snowball Louis throws that hits Harry right in the face. 

“Uh oh,” Zayn says from behind him. “Cheers then. Better get back”

He turns and watches Zayn scurry off in the direction of the nearest storage container. When he turns back, he’s faced with Harry who has come far too close for comfort. Louis is fairly certain he’s never seen Harry look like this, cheesed off out of proportion to the situation in Louis’ opinion. It’s just a snowball after all.

“It was just a snowball, Henry.”

Harry stares at him hard, his eyes blazing, his jaw twitching as though he can barely keep himself in check. Louis has only a brief moment of realising he’s possibly gone over the line before he’s being strong-armed through the snow and towards the stairs that lead to the sleeping modules. Harry marches him up the steps and inside the capsule. Louis wrestles out of his grip and instinctively begins shedding his gear as he walks down the corridor towards his pit room and before Louis has a chance to do much of anything else, he finds himself shut in his very small room with a very narked off Harry, who is literally panting in anger.

“What--is--your--problem?” Harry huffs out.

And that’s all it takes for years of bitterness that Louis didn’t even know he was still holding onto to come to the surface. 

“You know what my bloody problem is with you!” He shouts, far louder than he’s ever shouted in the close quarters of the modules.

“No, Louis, I really don’t,” Harry says, his shoulders slumping as leans back against the door and scrubs his hand over his face as if some of the fight has gone out of him. 

Well, if Harry wanted an argument, he’ll get one now.

“You knew I thought you were coming to Halley with me! You should have fucking told me I was just a fuck to you! Instead of all your fucking bullshit pet names. You could have told me, you know. I still would have fucked you, you tosser! And now here you are, acting like you’ve never had my cock in your mouth. Shaking my hand like you’ve never been inside--”

He stops in the midst of his tirade as he suddenly focuses on the look of utter surprise on Harry’s face. Maybe Harry really didn’t know what Louis had thought all those years ago. Somehow, it almost makes it worse that Harry didn’t fool him on purpose. So he doesn’t even have a reason to be angry then, he led himself on, thinking it all meant more than it did. 

Louis tries to make a run for it, but it’s hard to slip past Harry in this tiny space, and Harry moves to block the door. “Wait! No! Louis, fucking hell. That wasn’t it at all. I thought you knew that I was going to Rothera--”

“Leave it,” Louis says, his voice a bit strangled as he tries to open the door. 

“Fuck, I always wondered why you never said goodbye, why you avoided me that last week. I thought I’d done something--”

“Wrong?” Louis chokes out. “No, you didn’t do anything at all, Harry. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!”

“No.” Harry keeps himself firmly against the door and clutches Louis’ wrist tightly. “I didn’t know you wanted more than what we--”

“I didn’t. I don’t. Let me--”

“No, Louis. Please.” Harry uses his body to back him against the door. “Do you honestly think I wouldn’t have wanted more if I could? I think about that summer in Cambridge all the time. It was--”

“--something,” Louis murmurs.

“--amazing,” Harry finishes. 

Harry backs away, although not far enough for Louis to escape, and runs a hand through his hair. “Lou?”

Louis looks down at the floor, at the wall, anywhere but at Harry. 

“Lou, please look at me.” Harry tips his chin up with his finger. “I still think about you, even though it was years ago. I even--”

Harry clears his throat. “I even looked you up that first year--and the year after, but you didn’t--you didn’t come home. You stayed here. I--”

“Shut up.”

“But I--” Harry looks distressed now as though if he just keeps talking Louis will somehow understand whatever it is he’s trying to say.

“Just--shut up.”

Louis’ not sure who moves first or if they both moved at the same time, but then, Harry’s body presses him into the door as their lips meet. His last thought before he can’t think anymore is that he knows the score this time. There’s a time limit on he and Harry starting something between them again. He won’t get hurt because there’s already an ending date before they even begin.

He clutches Harry’s shirt in his fist and yanks it up and over his head, and his own shirt quickly follows Harry’s to the floor. He allows himself a brief moment to stare at the expanse of skin with unfamiliar tattoos marking the time they’ve spent apart. Harry doesn’t give him much time though before his hands cup his face and his lips press fervent kisses along his mouth, his jaw, his neck. 

And then, Harry finds a very specific and sensitive spot in the curve of his shoulder, and Louis shudders in his arms. It reminds him of how very well Harry once knew his body, and Louis gives in completely to the moment, gives in completely to Harry. There had always been such give and take between them, and this time he lets Harry give him what he needs, the touch of a familiar lover rather than a fly-by-night stranger.

Harry fingers slip beneath the waistband of his base layer, and the closely fitting clothing does precisely what Louis wants it to do, keep Harry close. Harry’s lips press against his own again and seek his mouth, and the stinging cold from beyond the walls of the station is no match for the wet heat of Harry’s mouth. He feels Harry’s low groan rumble through him as Harry cups his bare arse and presses him firmly against his body, lifting his legs up and around his waist as he presses him against the door. 

Their bodies recognize each other as though the years they’ve been apart have vanished. Harry slots their bodies together and grinds against him in a rhythm that Louis had thought he would only ever relive in his dreams. Harry’s lips break away from his own to pant hot breaths against his throat, the thin fabric between them such a small barrier and yet it’s not at all close enough for Louis. 

“Harr--Harry?” He says, his voice raspy with want, his fingers threaded through the short curls of his hair. 

Harry freezes and looks at him, eyes hazy with desire. “Lou? Baby? What is it?”

“Bed,” Louis manages to say, and Harry immediately carries him to the bottom bunk and carefully places him on the bed. 

Harry doesn’t ask to join him. He just immediately climbs onto the small mattress and fits himself between Louis’ legs. It’s hard to maneuver in the cramped space, but Harry manages to sit back a bit and peel the fitted trousers and pants off Louis’ legs before fitting himself back between his legs again. 

Even though Louis lays nude on the bed, he doesn’t feel vulnerable. No, his body sings at the familiar feel of Harry’s body and lips and touch. Harry presses a line of kisses down his chest and then his stomach, Louis’ muscles clenching in anticipation. He fists the duvet in his fingers as Harry’s lips find their destination and his tongue licks one long stripe against him. He’s nearly trembling as Harry finally takes him fully in his mouth, his long fingers cupping his balls before brushing against his hole again and again in a steady pace that matches what he’s doing with his mouth. 

Louis loses himself so fully to the sensations of Harry’s clever mouth and hands that he isn’t controlling the way his hips buck up into the warmth his body seeks. He comes with Harry’s name panting out with each harsh breath. He feels Harry’s moan around him as though this was the moment Harry was waiting for as well. His dazed mind only briefly registers that the bed is still moving in a quickening rhythm as Harry’s pumps his hand around his cock with Louis’ still near his mouth. 

“Love--Gorgeous--Lou,” Harry gasps against his skin as he comes into his fist. 

Louis closes his eyes and lets the contentment of his body wash over him. It’s been so long, so long since Louis has felt like this. He feels Harry slide up next to him and fit against his side, one leg thrown over his and his face pressed against Louis’ chest as though listening to his heart beats. 

Just before he drifts off, he reminds himself that this time will be different. This time he knows it doesn’t mean what he wanted it to mean in the past. He won’t let himself care like that again. It will be fine, he tells himself. It will be fine.


	4. Chapter 4

“What time is it?”

“Hmmm?”

Louis sits bolt upright and looks over at the small clock placed on the inset of the wall behind his head. They’ve only been gone for about forty five minutes, so they haven’t really slept very long and hopefully haven’t been missed. He lets out a breath of relief and falls back on the bed.

He can feel the press of Harry’s body at his side in the small bunk they’re sharing and stares at the bottom of Zayn’s bunk above him. Fuck. What has he done? He’s gone and had sex with Harry like an idiot. He reminds himself that this isn’t like last time. Might be nice to have a regular thing going on at least for now. So maybe he’s fairly decided on fucking around with Harry until he goes back to Rothera.

He finally turns his head to look at Harry who is staring at him, a line creased between his eyes as though if he looked hard enough he might be able to read Louis’ thoughts. Louis smiles at him and raises an eyebrow, and the crease between Harry’s eyes softens. His eyes open up a bit wider, and he returns the smile. Louis senses a little relief. Maybe Harry thought he was going to say something more, something cutting. They had after all been arguing before falling into bed together.

Louis clears his throat. “We should get back before they realise we’re gone. The gossip will be unbearable.”

“By gossip do you mean Niall?”

“Yes,” Louis grins. He hops out of the bed and starts pulling his layers back on. When he looks back, Harry is doing the same.

“Should we--er--walk out at the same time or--”

Louis snorts. “It’s fine. They’ll just think we’ve been in here arguing. People are too busy with the move to worry where the scientists got off to.”

“Got off is right,” Harry says with a cough.

Louis shakes his head, a smile he can’t stop on his face. “That’s quite immature, Henry. Ridiculous.”

They’ve reached the end of the corridor and have their gear completely back on, ready to face the cold once more.

“Funny, you seemed to have no trouble remembering my name when your cock was in my--”

“Guess you’ll have to keep sucking me off if you want me to call you by your name.”

Louis opens the door.

“That won’t be a problem,” Harry replies with a lick of his lips and a bright smile as he exits through the door and out into the snow.

Louis freezes and watches Harry nearly stumble down the steps. He’s pretty sure he’s already in trouble.

///

He doesn’t encounter Harry the rest of the day, but they’ve all been pretty busy with emptying the contents of the station so that the modules can be detached from one another soon. Absolutely all equipment has to be taken out of the station before the power sources are disconnected. No one wants damaged equipment. It may be summer in Antarctica, but it’s still far too cold for electronics and some of their scientific instruments.

He just manages to get everything reconnected on his equipment just before their last meal of the day. Harry must have either eaten earlier or not yet shown up in the canteen to eat.

“Who are you looking for?” Zayn asks, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“No one,” he says quickly averting his eyes back to his baked chicken. It’s a little bland tonight. He’d normally tease Niall about it, but he knows moving the kitchen most likely put a crimp in Niall’s normally creative cooking.

“Mmhmm,” Zayn says, clearly unconvinced.

“Maybe just Niall to tell him to season his chicken.”

Zayn frowns down at his plate. “It’s a bit under seasoned isn’t it. I wouldn’t mention that if I were you though.”

He wonders if Harry went back out on the ice again today, probably not if he’d been pestering Edie to send data to Rothera. “Have you seen Liam around?”

“What? No, haven’t seen him,” Zayn says a little too quickly.

“But you were keeping an eye out there, weren’t you? Our fearless, strapping leader. Maybe he’s off bench pressing a giant seal with his shirt off. We should probably go find out--”

“Sod off,” Zayn says, standing up with his empty plate. “Go harass someone else for a change. Or actually, how about your newest victim, where’s he at?”

“What?” Louis coughs. “No, haven’t seen him. Wait, who are we talking about?”

“Henry Steels. The one you threw snowballs at like you had a primary school crush.”

“You threw snowballs, too!” Louis shoots back.

“You well forced me to, mate.”

“Fair.” Louis sighs and purses his lips into a thin line. “And I don’t know where he is. Haven’t seen him all afternoon.”

“So that _was_ who you were looking for then. Huh, very interesting,” Zayn says, looking at him thoughtfully. “So you’ve gone from completely avoiding him when he first came to tormenting him every chance you get--”

“I’m not tormenting--”

Zayn ignores his interruption and continues. “And now you’re actually seeking him out. What the hell went on in Cambridge is all I’ve got to say.”

“Nothing.” Louis gets up from the table as well. A good reminder, this. Whatever it was that was between them ended in nothing.  “It was nothing.”

“Pretty sure it was something.” Zayn shrugs and drops the subject, but Louis knows this won’t be the end of it.

///

He wakes early the next morning and lies in bed, wrestling with his thoughts about whether or not it’s an awful idea to start things up again with Harry. Of course, it doesn’t much matter if it was just a one-off kind of deal. Who’s to say that Harry even wants to continue what they started yesterday? Even if he sort of implied he wanted to keep sucking his dick.

He gets his answer when Harry seeks him out after breakfast on his way to the gym. “Ehm--can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Uh, sure, just on my way to work out.”

“I’ll walk you there,” Harry says a bit stiffly.

Louis feels distinctly awkward. They’re both talking too loudly and in too stilted a manner for people who just had sex yesterday.

“So I’m headed out on the ice today, just curious about the weather.”

Oh. So it’s all business again. It’s for the best really even if his stomach lurches a bit in disappointment. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should be fine out there.”

He offers Harry a tight smile as they reach the new makeshift gym.

“Great,” Harry replies. A smug look suddenly crosses his face, and he lowers his voice. “Meet me after dinner?”

Louis blinks back his surprise. “Yeah, okay. Yeah.”

Louis’ a bit on edge thinking of what Harry meant by meeting him after dinner. Did he want to talk? Call a truce? Fuck him? He runs a hand across the front of his hair again, rearranging it nervously.

“Christ, mate. What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Zayn asks, none too gently, as they make their way into the newly constructed rec area. “I could barely eat with you twitching about next to me. If you don’t stop your fidgeting, I’m gonna--”

“Sorry. Just a little--”

“Ah, give the lad a break,” Niall reproves. “Everyone’s a bit off what with what’s going on around here, you know?”

Zayn nods his head in acknowledgement although he shoots him another curious look before going to find the playing cards. Liam and a few others join in as well. Louis looks up after a bit and notices Harry stood in the entryway to this part of the storage container leaning on the newly built frame, watching him intently.

In the years that separated them, Louis has mostly forgotten how Harry could focus in on him like this and make him feel like the only person in the world. He looks away quickly from his intense gaze and feels the burn on his cheeks. He finishes playing his hand and looks up again, wondering if Harry will still be there. He is.

Harry quirks an eyebrow. It’s a question that Louis knows he will answer. “I’m out.”

Zayn shoots him a look. “Done already?”

“Yeah, bit tired. See you.” He stands and stretches with a perhaps too exaggerated yawn, but no one seems to notice, eyes all back to Edie dealing the cards.

He turns back to the entry, but Harry is no longer there. He walks as quickly as he can through the entryway into a makeshift corridor that leads back outside. A hand slips around his waist, and he’s drawn back into a hard chest.

“Looking for someone?” Harry whispers, his breath hot against his neck.

Louis doesn’t answer, just sinks back against him. He can feel Harry’s hardness against him, and he presses against it, clicking his tongue in mock disapproval. “Very eager, Henry.”

“I’ve been thinking about this all fucking day,” Harry growls in his ear as he thrusts back against Louis. “But I’d rather not come in my pants.”

“Mmhmm--” Louis presses back against him again. “Rather you came in me, I suppose.”

Harry moans against the skin of Louis’ neck, teeth pressing into his skin and making him shiver in anticipation. Louis moves away only to grab at his coat hanging just inside the door. He doesn’t even bother putting on the rest of his gear. He’s just going to make a quick dash for the station anyway.

The storage container had given Louis a false sense of darkness, and the bright light of an Antarctic summer night on the snow blinds him a bit. No way to sneak through non-existent shadows. No one is nearby anyway, and those at the other end of the station still working don’t seem to care that a couple of scientists have gone to bed early.

They rush down the empty corridor towards Louis’ pit room and stumble inside, lips already crashing together as they hurriedly shed their coats on the floor. Louis’ fingers find their way instinctively into Harry’s hair, and he pulls at the now shorter curls he finds at his nape. Harry’s hands slide down his hips, and he uses the leverage of his hands on Louis’ arse to grind their bodies together.

Louis tries to tamp down the memories of how it was between them, but it’s difficult when their bodies seem to remember the tune they used to play. He doesn’t want to remember a time when he thought it all meant something. This is different. He needs it to be different. He pulls his lips away. Harry’s lips chase his through the air, and he kicks the small desk chair out from under the desk.

Louis quickly pulls his shirts up and over his head in one fell swoop and then gets to work on his trousers, shucking them down his legs and off until he’s standing before Harry in just his socks. Harry has just watched the entire thing without moving a muscle.

“You plan on fucking me with your clothes on or what?”

This seems to wake Harry’s brain up enough for him to quickly take off his own clothes before Louis pushes him into the chair. He looks down at Harry, sat back in the chair with his cock hard against his stomach, eyes glazed with desire, hair dishevelled from Louis’ fingertips. He quickly rummages in a desk drawer for what he’s looking for, tossing them on the desk, and walks the few more steps that bring him close enough to touch.

Harry reaches for him, tugging him onto his lap. Louis sits back atop Harry’s muscled thighs, and Harry captures his mouth again. Their cocks slide together haphazardly, and he feels Harry’s fingers find the entrance to his body and brush against it. He whines a bit at the feeling. He wants more. He presses back against Harry’s fingers, urging him to give him what he wants. Harry’s fingers leave him only to reach for the lube Louis has left out on the desk next to them.

Louis cries out, releasing their kiss, at the cold, slick entrance of Harry’s finger. He quickly begs for more, and he knows that Harry used to take his time opening him up, teasing him as long as possible. But that’s not what Louis wants right now.

“More, more,” he says roughly as he tries to fuck himself back on Harry’s finger.

Harry obliges. He’s quickly filled with another finger and then another, relishing in the stretch just as Harry reaches the precise place that makes Louis cry out again.

“Please, please,” he repeats until he feels Harry’s fingers slowly slide out of him. He whimpers at the loss into Harry’s mouth.

“It’s okay, baby,” Harry says. “I’ve got you.”

And then Harry’s sliding on a condom and and gripping Louis’ arse as he carefully lines them up. Louis plants his toes on the small part of the chair next to Harry’s thighs and lets Harry guide Louis onto his cock. Harry tries to go slowly, but Louis won’t allow it. He begins bouncing up and down until Harry’s fingers grip him tightly and find a rhythm between them as he licks into Louis’ mouth.

Louis’ hands can’t find a place to rest. They frantically touch every part of Harry he can reach. His soft curls, his flushed neck, his broad shoulders, the hard planes of his chest, his arms that flex as he moves Louis up and down on him. Louis’ cock slides between them, the friction burning a bit until Harry removes one hand and slicks him up without ever breaking their rhythm or releasing Louis’ mouth.

Harry has filled him so full, it’s as if he’s surrounded by him, inside and out. It’s too much. It’s too intimate. It’s not what he thought it would be. He’s only just able to wrench his lips away from Harry’s, trying to keep at least a part of him for himself.

But this only allows Harry to fill his head with words Louis thought he’d never hear him say again. _Darling. Baby. Gorgeous. Angel. Sugar. Love. Lou. Mine._

Louis shudders and comes apart wrapped in Harry’s body. He’s not sure if it’s from Harry pressing into him or the words on his lips, but he squeezes his eyes shut so as not to watch Harry claim him this way when he knows it means nothing.

///

A sea of neon yellow tents lay on the snow with measured amounts of space between each one creating an odd fluorescent tent forest next to the temporary shelters.  Louis grumbles complaints under his breath as he and Zayn attempt to pitch their tent. Next to them, Niall carries on loudly about how fucked up it is he and Harry don’t get the spots next to the canteen area.

“Guess everyone don’t want breakfast on time!” Niall declares loudly enough for at least the nearest thirty people to hear.

“You only have to walk an extra twenty meters or so to get to the kitchen,” Harry says reasonably as he lays out the butyl ground sheet.

“Well, my arse will be so frozen that I don’t imagine I’ll be up to making my apple tarts anytime soon!” Niall declares even more loudly.

Harry winces as he steps right in the line of Niall’s outrage. “Mind helping me keep the sheet flat whilst I get the sides anchored?”

Niall narrows his eyes. “You know this would help you, too. We should get to be right next to the building and out of the line of wind. We’re gonna freeze our balls off out here.”

Harry shrugs. “I’ve stayed out on the ice before. It’s not so bad.”

“‘Course you have, you’re a fucking ice scientist!” Niall shouts. “I’m not. I’m the fucking chef here! I shouldn’t be forced to live in these conditions.”

Zayn just shakes his head at Niall’s comments and helps Louis smooth out the sheet. “You work in Antarctica, Niall.”

“I dunno. I’m kind of with you,” Louis mutters in Niall’s direction.

“What? WHAT? What was that?” Niall shouts out again. “Tommo here agrees with me! I’m the most important person on this station! Without _me_ you’d all starve to death! Frozen, starving ice pops out on the glaciers!”

Everyone in the area keeps their heads down, refusing to make eye contact with Niall. Niall finally stops long enough to anchor in one part of the tent before he turns back to Louis. “Louis, you’re the second most important person here. Just thought you’d like to know.”

“Thanks, mate,” Louis says, nodding gravely.

“Hey now,” Zayn says. “None of your equipment would work without me, you know.”

“I’m keeping you all from becoming an iceberg floating out to sea,” Harry says with a shrug as he anchors in another part of the tent.

“Yeah, well, no one would be here if it weren’t for Tommo,” Niall sniffs. “The whole point of Halley is to measure the ozone. What she’s famous for, ain’t she?”

Everyone lets that roll around in their brains for a minute.

“Food’s still most important though,” Niall says, sulking as he anchors one last part of he and Harry’s tent.

“Of course it is, Ni,” Louis agrees.

As everyone pitches their tents, they can’t help but turn and watch as the mechanical team enters and exits the modules as they separate them. A crane sets up between the science modules, and they watch as some of the team disconnect cables on the outside of them. Louis knows it’s nearly time for the first module to be towed to the new site.

A strong, smooth roadway now stretches out as far as the eye can see, created to tow the enormous modules built atop giant skis. Halley was built to move when necessary, and the time has nearly come to test her mobility.

The entire area now bustles with an organized chaos that Louis doesn’t care for. He’s quite glad to get away for a bit to release his daily weather balloon. As he climbs the stairs into the building, he briefly thinks about how a new version of this is being built twenty-three kilometers away. He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t notice Harry watching him beneath the platform as he releases it into the air.

“It’s quite nice really.”

Harry voice startles him, and he jumps a bit. “What is?”

“Your balloon,” Harry answers, looking to the sky. “Looks quite pretty up there.”

Louis snorts. “It’s a weather balloon.”

Harry just smiles at him, dimples popping out in a sly grin as if he knows a secret about Louis. Maybe he does. “You like it.”

“Like what?”

“Your balloon. You think it’s quite pretty, too.”

Louis shrugs and moves to begin walking back down the steps, but Harry starts walking up them at the same time. Louis eyes him curiously, but he doesn’t understand at all what’s happening until Harry’s walked him back into the small building and shut the door. “You’re quite pretty, too, love.”

“Ohhhhh,” he says, understanding now why Harry is here, just before he tears off his gloves and presses Harry up against the door, discarding his own goggles and Harry’s as well. They clatter to the floor as Louis presses his cold lips to Harry’s. They heat up quickly.

There are so many layers between them. Antarctica isn’t really the best place to have a clandestine rendezvous, but Louis makes do by just getting through Harry’s bottom layers as quickly as possible. They pool around his ankles as Louis gets a hand on him.

Harry groans and reaches for Louis. “God, baby. You feel so good. So beautiful like this, Lou.”

Louis is sure they look ridiculous in just their upper layers, now with both their cocks out, hard and leaking, both in Harry’s palm as they rut up into his hand. It’s fast and dirty as Louis comes into Harry’s hand and pants into his mouth.

“Fuck. So good, love. So good,” Harry slurs his words as Louis gets a hand on him again and Harry’s hands find their way to Louis’ arse pressing his body back into his. Harry comes with his name on his lips and how good Louis looks, how good he feels, until the words become inarticulate.

Louis squeezes his eyes shut, but it doesn’t stop him from hearing the words he remembers all too well. It’s fine is the thing. This is just how Harry is. Full of words of praise. That’s all this is.

///

The first night in the tent isn’t quite as bad as Louis had anticipated. The pyramid design keeps out the wind and ice particles, and the groundsheet, air bed, and down-filled sleeping bags keep them well insulated from the cold. No, it’s not the cold that keeps him up later than usual. Somehow it’s a little harder to fall asleep knowing how close Harry is. He tries to tell himself that it’s absurd to be thinking about this. It’s not like Harry slept far away in their pit rooms either. It’s just different like this though. He hears Niall’s loud complaining as he and Harry settle in, and he hears Harry’s deep voice giving Niall a soothing response.

He tries to compose a letter to Lottie, but he keeps having to start over when Harry’s name creeps in too many times for there to be any hope Lottie won’t ask about him. He gives up for now.

When he eventually sleeps, he dreams of falling down a crevasse in the ice. Zayn wakes him with a shove and an admonition to stop kicking him.  

///

Louis doesn’t see Harry at all the following day. It’s still chaotic around the station though, so maybe he’s made himself scarce collecting ice or snow samples. He’s noticed that Harry seems to be taking on Isabell’s previous research, and he wonders what that means for the station. But no, stupid to presume it means anything at all. What’s Harry supposed to do here? He doesn’t need to go out and check the ice chasms everyday after all.

He finally spots Harry across the dining enclosure as he walks in with his food. Louis is sat at a smaller table in the back with Zayn, and he lowers his eyes to his food so as not to be caught out by Zayn again as looking for anyone in particular.

He’s surprised then when Harry appears at their table.

“Mind if I join you two?”

Zayn looks at Harry as though a penguin has just trotted into the dining area and asked to join them.

Harry sits down even though neither of them said a word. He smiles brightly as though he and Zayn had just waved him over. He always _was_ quite confident of his welcome. He sits down next to Zayn and across from Louis.

Harry takes a large bite of his sandwich, tongue first. Fuck, Louis knows what he can do with that tongue. He nearly chokes on his own bite at the thought.

“Guess Niall is still mad about the tent situation,” Harry says gesturing to the sandwich. “Hence the lack of a hot meal.”

Zayn seems to have recovered from his initial astonishment. “Seems so. Hope he gets over it quick. I miss his apple tarts already.”

Harry shrugs. “He claims my snoring is louder in the tent. So sorry if the lack of apple tarts is a punishment of some kind.”

“Your snoring isn’t that bad,” Louis scoffs. Fuck his loose tongue. Zayn’s eyes seem to have grown at least three sizes.

Harry stares at him intently, and Louis forces himself to look away and take another bite of food.

“Thanks,” Harry says quietly. The awkwardness of the exchange is palpable though.

“Ehm--at Cambridge,” Louis says lamely in Zayn’s direction. But it’s too late really. He feels his cheeks heat up at the implication and clears his throat. “Roommates, you know?”

Zayn nods, but his eyes narrow in on him suspiciously. If only he’d just played it off, instead of acting like it was any big deal. The gods must have felt they owed Louis a favour for this, however, and it appears in the form of Liam who suddenly appears at their table.

“Hey lads,” he says as he plops down next to Louis. Liam looks exhausted and harried. He sighs as he looks at the sandwich. “Niall’s still right narked, I see.”

They all murmur in agreement.

“I already miss his apple tarts,” Liam says ruefully.

Harry laughs. “That’s just what Zayn said!”

Liam looks over at Zayn and gives him a huge grin. “Ah, Zayn. You know your sweets then, mate! Can’t deny I’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth. I try to make up for it with my workout routine.”

Zayn looks like he’s about to fall off the bench at being singled out by Liam. Zayn also probably knows far too much about Liam’s workout routine for someone who doesn’t workout much.

He doesn’t see Harry again until after their last evening meal. Harry’s sat at a table with Zayn and Niall and Edie playing cards whilst Louis pretends to read a book in the corner. He misses the quiet room more than expected. Even less space in these temporary shelters than they’re used to. His eyes droop after last night’s restless sleep, so he sighs and heads to bed early.

He doesn’t fall asleep immediately and when he hears Harry walks by the tent half an hour later there’s a whispered, “Good night, Lou. Sweet dreams.”

Louis wonders if he was supposed to hear it or not.

///

The closer quarters everyone must work in don’t lend themselves to finding a place to shag someone without everyone finding out about it. On the plus side there are so many more people about and so much more going on than as usual that no one seems to notice that Harry finds his way to the small building housing the weather balloons whenever Louis is there.

Louis is also grateful that Harry’s new presence at their dining table, which might have seemed extremely strange to Zayn, is glossed over because Liam has made it his regular dining table as well. Harry and Liam begin to show up at Zayn and Louis’ regular meal times, and soon they’re all eating nearly every meal together.

He’s well aware however that Zayn would probably have noticed a lot more if he weren’t so distracted by Liam who has taken to pestering Zayn about working out more and inviting him to come hit with him sometime. Louis would pay money to watch Zayn put on a pair of boxing gloves and spar with Liam. Of course, this is how it all blows up in Louis’ face.

“Why won’t he leave me alone about it?” Zayn grumbles as he and Louis step back into the electronics lab after breakfast.

“What the boxing thing?” Louis asks. “Probably wants to see you with your shirt off.”

“Why would I take my shirt off?” Zayn looks alarmed at the thought.

“I don’t know,” Louis says as he plops into Zayn’s chair. “Just hypothesising. You’re ridiculously good looking, and people probably try and come up with all sorts of ways for you to start shedding your clothes.”

Zayn snorts. “Whatever. I mean, maybe I should try it out--”

“Wowwwww, you have it bad for Liam!” Louis says spinning around in the chair. “I think you should do it. And do him a favour and take your shirt off for it.”

“Fuck off.”

A few hours later he sets out to launch his weather balloon and catches Zayn on his way to the gym with workout clothing on. He wolf whistles and then cackles at Zayn’s expression and raised middle finger before he heads out. He’s halfway to the platform and building when he notices Harry is already there, sitting on the platform watching him walk towards him.

“How much time do we have?” Harry asks as soon as Louis climbs the stairs.

“For what?”

Harry leers absurdly at him as though he was dressed in something more provocative than a giant, hideous yellow anorak coat. “You know what.”

Louis purses his lips and shakes his head as though he isn’t thinking about shoving his hand down Harry’s pants right at this moment. “A bit eager aren’t you?”

Harry bites down on his lower lip. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about today. Want to get my mouth on you, baby.”

Louis clears his throat. “Um--just--I need to first--”

“Of course,” Harry says as he leads them both inside. “I’ll wait in here.”

Harry usually likes to watch the balloon launch, but Louis takes it out and gets it up into the air faster than he normally does whilst Harry waits for him inside the small room. He also doesn’t watch it float into the clouds. Instead, he immediately flings open the door to the sight of Harry without his outer gear on. All he has on are his tight base layers. The bottom half pulled down below his arse as he strokes his cock in his hand.

“Holy fuck.” Louis’ voice sounds strangled as he says the words. Harry looks like a debauched angel like this. His short curls framing his face, panting a little he’s so eager for Louis, as he stands leaning against the wall.

Louis quickly scrambles to take his own gear off, and as soon as he’s down to his base layer, Harry has pressed him against the wall and is on his knees in front of him. He pulls down the fabric over Louis’ already hardening cock and without any preamble takes him into his mouth fully as he keeps his hands behind his back.

“Fuck, Harry. God.”

Louis’ fingers tug at Harry’s hair, and the whimper he feels more than he hears nearly undoes him on the spot. Harry looks up at him as he encourages Louis to fuck up into his mouth, and Louis remembers this. Remembers how Harry liked it like this sometimes. His instinct to do what Harry desires takes over, and he fucks Harry’s mouth just the way he’d long ago asked Louis to do.

He doesn’t warn Harry when he’s close even though Harry can probably tell based on Louis’ not so subtle thursting. He groans Harry’s name as his release comes into Harry’s eager mouth. He slumps against the wall and looks at Harry sat back on his heels, his cock still hard and ready.

“Touch yourself,” Louis demands, and Harry gasps and clasps a hand around himself.  “You look so good like this, Harry. So good. You’re so good.”

Harry’s hand slides up and down faster and faster to the sound of Louis’ praise until he’s coming, too, gasping Louis’ name along with a string of names. _Petal. Beautiful. Darling. Sweetheart. Love._

They sit on the floor against the wall surrounded by atmospheric science equipment, and Louis huffs out a brief laugh. “We’ve really got to figure somewhere else out to meet up.”

Still in a stupid haze from their orgasms they kiss sloppily before opening the door, their gear only half on, to the sight of Zayn at the foot of the stairs.

///

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” Zayn hisses quietly.

Louis can tell he wishes he was pacing, but there isn’t room to do that in the tent.

“Just sit down for fuck’s sake,” Louis hisses back. “It’s not good for your back to be all hunched over like that.”

Zayn glares at him, but he does sit cross-legged in front of him. Louis wishes they had somewhere else that was somewhat private to talk, but there just really isn’t anywhere at the moment. Well, with the exception maybe being where he and Harry just had sex.

“It’s nothing okay,” Louis says finally after a long pause.

“Yeah it really looked like nothing from where I stood. Watching the two of you stumble out of there like the guiltiest fuckers on the planet.”

“I meant--it’s not exactly what it looked like.”

“It looked like you guys just got done fucking next to the weather balloons.”

Louis purses his lips. “Okay, fair. That’s pretty much what it was. But that’s all it was. That’s all it is.”

“So you’re trying to tell me that was the first time?”

“Uhh--”

“That’s what I thought. I don’t suppose that’s going to be the last time either.”

Louis shrugs a bit helplessly. “I just mean it doesn’t _mean_ anything, you know? It’s just like all the other blokes that come through here. No strings and all that. He’s gonna leave and that’s that.”

“What happened in Cambridge, Louis?”

Louis lets out a loud breath and scrubs a hand across his face. Silly to think Zayn wouldn’t bring that up. “Yeah. Okay, yes we had something going on at Cambridge. Happy?”

“Not really. Because clearly things didn’t end well at Cambridge or you wouldn’t have been such a twat when he got here.”

“Rude.”

“Truth.”

“Fine. You’re right. It didn’t end well. I got hurt. I learned better. The end.”

Zayn begins standing up. “Well, okay, guess I’ll go get the story out of Harry then. God knows it’ll take him at least an hour’s rambling to tell it.”

“Fine! Stop. Sit down. I’ll tell you.”

Zayn sits down and raises an eyebrow. Apparently, that’s the cue to start spilling his guts.

“We were roommates at training camp, and it just kinda happened. We got on straight away, and it quickly turned into something. Well, it did for me anyway. I talked about Halley a lot. Everyone there knew I was there to go to Halley. And he never said he was going to Halley, but that’s what I thought. I knew they needed a glaciologist, and I just thought he was it. He didn’t really say anything to lead me to believe any differently.”

Louis hears the hollow tone of his own pathetic laugh.

“We spent a lot of time together for those weeks. It was like a dream. Someone who understood me and my passions and could join me in them. Someone who could make me forget for a little while--”

“Oh, Lou--”

“No, it’s okay, Zayn. Really. I’m well over him by now, aren’t I? It was years ago after all. They split us up by stations when we got to Derbyshire for Winter Teams Training. That’s how I found out he’d be going to Rothera.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Yeah. I basically hadn’t spoken to him again until he showed up here. But like I said, it’s nothing. It wasn’t anything real then, and it certainly isn’t anything real now.”

“Lou, I don’t know how true that is, but it’s okay if it _is_ real. It’s fine for whatever it is between the two of you to be real, even if it’s just real for right now.”

Zayn leaves Louis in the tent with only his thoughts for company, and he thinks about what he said. Maybe it would be okay to let himself have this one small thing. Maybe Zayn’s right that he should grasp at whatever pieces of happiness he can manage to capture for however short a time.

///

“Sandwiches again?” Liam looks forlornly at the food in front of him as they pass through the line.

“I heard that!” Niall calls out from the kitchen. Liam winces. “Haven’t had a good night’s rest in a while, boss. What with Harry snoring in my ear every bloody night.”

“Heyyyy,” Harry says on the other side of Louis in the line.

“Maybe we should switch,” Zayn says, looking at Harry as they all sit at their now usual table.

“Switch what?”

“Tent mates. I’m a pretty quiet sleeper, and Louis sleeps pretty deeply.”

“Oh, uhh--” Harry glances at him, eyes wide.

“I mean, I don’t mind if Harry doesn’t,” Louis tries to say casually.

“Cool. I’ll let Niall know,” Zayn says, taking a bite of sandwich as if he hasn’t just pulled the rug out from under whatever it is going on between he and Harry.

Harry hangs back when they finish and get up from the table.

“Is this okay with you?” Harry asks him under his breath.

Louis shrugs and tries not to betray any emotion. “If it’s okay with you.”

He glances up at Harry’s face just as a sideways smirk grows across his face. “Oh, it’s more than fine. Can’t wait to get you--”

“You two coming outside to watch?” Liam calls back to them.

They instantly straighten up, and Louis has to process for a few moments before he even remembers what Liam is talking about. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming for sure. Harry?”

“Oh, I hope to be _coming_ soon, too.”

Louis rolls his eyes.

They head towards the end of the shelter and start pulling on their gear before heading out into the morning sun. The trucks hauling mogul masters make one last attempt to smooth the snow road, throwing snow from side to side and knocking the air out of it making it firm enough to haul away the modules.

The first module to be taken away is the one Louis considers “his,” the science module that houses his meteorological observation room and normally holds all his instruments and equipment. They all stand in the snow and watch as two bulldozers pull around the back of the module as the front is attached by cables to two more bulldozers and a huge tractor that will tow the module.

They all hold their breaths as the bulldozers begin to push from behind, attempting to release the module from where it’s sat since it was built. It’s been all well and good to know Halley was designed to be mobile, it’s quite another to try and actually move it. Louis happens to glance at Liam who looks like he might pass out from anticipation. He looks back just as the bulldozers begin moving a bit more, and the module smoothly begins to move away from the others and onto the snow packed roadway. They all release a collective breath and cheer a bit as the module begins moving further and further away from the station.

“One down and seven more to go, mate!” Niall shouts out as he claps Liam on the shoulder. The relief on Liam’s face turns quickly back to dread.

Some of the crew that had come to build temporary shelters and decommission the station also head out after the module. All that work and they’ll have to set it all back up again, Louis thinks as he watches them go. He stands there long enough that nearly everyone else has gone about their duties, everyone but him--and Harry.

“Let’s go move out Niall’s stuff from my tent,” Harry says. “I told him I’d take care of it for him, since it’s my fault apparently that he gets no sleep.”

“Oh, uh--sure.” Louis takes one last look at his module being towed away from him before he follows Harry back to the tents.

They move everything fairly quickly between the tents. Louis tosses the last bag into his new tent and goes to close it when he feels Harry push him back inside it. It takes a minute for his brain to catch up as Harry starts undressing him.

“Oh.”

Harry’s hands still. “Sorry--did you not want to--”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. ‘Course I do.” Louis starts fumbling at his own clothes, too. He can feel Harry’s eyes on him as he strips away his physical layers without looking back at him. He lets Harry take the lead and lets him forget for a while how precarious their existence is out here in the most barren land on Earth. He lets his mind drift into a pleasant haze of lust, but doesn’t let it go any further.

As he lays on his sleeping bag with Harry’s head on his chest, he reminds himself It’s just for a season, and he should be happy whilst he can. His mother’s words come to him then, a reminder and a promise. _It’s just a season of your life, darling. Whether good or bad, this season will pass, too._

 


	5. Chapter 5

Louis finds that somewhere along the way in the weeks that follow their schedules have synced up without him realising it. They eat meals together, they work out together, they play cards and pool with Liam and Zayn and Niall every night, they’ve begun doing a thousand piece puzzle of a stag on the floor of the rec area. The only times they’re apart for any length of time during the day is when Harry’s out on the ice and Louis is working in the lab.

Louis had been concerned that he and Harry sharing a space again might be too demanding on Harry. He certainly doesn’t want him to feel like Louis is asking too much of him again, but this doesn’t seem to be the case anyway. Harry seems perfectly content to share such close quarters with him again. Maybe it’s all the sex.

Louis knows the sex certainly doesn’t hurt his own mood. He’d been concerned about falling back into a pattern that once hurt him, but he finds there isn’t much stopping it. He’s decided to take his happiness where he can get it, and he can’t find it in himself to worry too much yet what will happen at the end of all this. And part of that happiness has a bit to do with quiet sex every evening as Harry whispers words against his skin. _Sweetheart. Pet. Lovely. Angel. Babe._ The quickies whenever they find each other near the tent during the day don’t hurt either.

It’s as though he turned around and Harry has crept his way into every part of Louis’ life here, and whilst he’s quite glad of it for now, he doesn’t let himself think about what happens when Halley’s moved and the summer ends. As Christmas approaches and the other science module as well as the generator module have already been moved, Harry asks him to come out on the ice with him.

“What?” Louis asks, surprised, as he looks up from his book.

Harry shuffles up into a sitting position as though to better see his face. The flap of the tent is open a bit to let in some light as they take a break, and Louis squints a bit as the sun falls on his face.

“I’d like you to come check on one of the ice chasms with me tomorrow,” Harry says. “Just if you’d like to, of course.”

Harry clears his throat when Louis doesn’t immediately answer. “I thought maybe as like--a birthday gift. But maybe that’s stupid, just forget I--”

“I’d love to,” Louis quickly interrupts before the offer can be rescinded.

“Great,” Harry beams as though he was the one given a gift.

“But--”

Harry’s smile dims.

“How did you know it was my birthday soon?” Louis asks.

“Oh--ehm--you said it once--back in Cambridge? About how you were going to spend your birthday away from your family for the first time.”

“Oh.” They tend not to reference Cambridge or really anything to do with that time in their lives, and yet Harry apparently remembers some casual mention of his birthday four years ago. This thing with Harry is different this time for Louis. No need to talk about families or friends back home or really anything to do with their real lives elsewhere. Well, Louis barely has a life elsewhere anymore anyway. He’s made Halley and Antarctica and his work into his new life, one that has less potential for pain. Or so he’d thought.

Harry interrupts his thoughts. “I thought you might like to see it when I go to check on the time lapse camera. It’s really quite something.”

“Yeah, I’d quite like to see it, I think.”

///

In all his years in this place he’s never taken a real field excursion. Not really a lot of need for him to go too far from the station. Maybe if he’d befriended different people he would have been more likely to have taken the SnoCats further out onto the ice. But instead he’s befriended the chef, the base commander, and a couple of engineers. Well, and now a glaciologist as well, he supposes, if at the end of all this they can somehow be friends remains to be seen.

He glances at Lauren, one of their field assistants as she climbs aboard a snowmobile, looking absolutely thrilled to be heading out to see a giant fissure in the ice shelf. Since she’s the real expert at being out on the ice, she’s also the one towing Harry’s equipment behind her on a sled.

He’s not sure what he expected, but Harry climbs on a snowmobile and motions for him to join him. He climbs onto the seat of the vehicle and has to put his arms around Harry as they begin to ride out a few kilometers to the where Harry says the tip of the chasm is located. After a few minutes of the rough ride, he sees Lauren motioning frantically. His stomach drops at the thought they’re in danger, but then he sees where she’s pointing. A few bits of black are waddling across the ice in the distance, breaking up the long stretches of white in their line of sight.

He feels as Harry slows the snowmobile down so he can get a better look at the penguins making their way across the snow from what looks to be a cliff of ice. The vehicles are too loud to talk and be understood, but Harry turns a bit in his seat to smile at him, his face as pleased as if he was somehow responsible for bringing the penguins to Louis. Well, maybe Harry is responsible for this. He returns his smile, absurdly happy in this moment to be here with Harry. All his thoughts for the future can most definitely wait.

Harry turns back and speeds back up again, and Louis finds himself lowering his face against the broad expanse of Harry’s back. He tells himself it’s just to block the wind, but he knows that’s partly an excuse. They’re slowing down and stopping in less than twenty minutes, which is a bit unnerving when he thinks of it. He hadn’t really thought about how very close this chasm has gotten to the station.

The roar of the engine cuts out, and Harry lets Louis climb off first. Louis is a bit nervous really and doesn’t try to hide it. He stands still and waits for instruction from Lauren or Harry as to where it’s safe to go.

Harry and Lauren begin the process of cabling them all to the other end of an anchor. Lauren stays back with the anchor, letting the two of them go to have the first look.

Harry double checks Louis’ cable as he says, “Don’t question yourself while stood on the ice. If it doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts.”

“Just like in training,” Louis says before he can stop himself from mentioning it.

Harry stills. His fingers still on the cable. “Yes. Just like that.”

Harry’s face breaks into a smile as he leads Louis carefully over to a precise position using radar and GPS. Louis looks around and sees nothing different, just the same great expanse of white in all directions. Harry then tells him to stay where he is for now and walks a short distance away and begins to shovel. When he has a decent series of mounds around the area he’s in, he calls out to him.

“Okay, Lou! Walk out to me slowly.”

As Louis slowly approaches, he sees that Harry is sitting on a step of snow that he’s carved out next to the chasm, and there at his feet a narrow crevasse.

“What the hell!” Louis exclaims. “We were so close to it! You can’t even see that. I mean, we almost drove right over it!”

Harry smiles. “Well, I _do_ know what I’m doing, Lou. So we were never going to end up driving over it.”

“Right, right. Sorry. It’s just--the snow covers it up so it looks like nothing! Bloody hell.” He gets a bit closer and can see how incredibly deep the chasm goes. The light doesn’t penetrate to the bottom of it by any stretch of imagination as if he’s looking into the abyss. They’re clearly looking at only the smallest tip of this chasm though. “How long is it then?”

“It’s about twenty-five kilometers long now. Beautiful, isn’t it?” Harry asks a bit dreamy eyed.

“Sure, sure. Beautiful,” Louis laughs. “It’s really something though. Maybe a little narrower than I imagined, seeing as how it’s forcing us out.”

Harry smiles. “This is its narrowest point. The further south you go, it widens into about two kilometers apart at its widest point.”

“Christ.”

“Yeah. Which is why Halley’s got to move now. Or we’ll all be stuck out on an iceberg,” Harry replies. “I need to go check the time lapse camera and get everything set up to come back out in a few weeks to check on it again. You know, I have a certain affection for this chasm.”

“You have affection for a giant crack in an ice shelf?” Louis asks incredulously, although his mind is turning over the thought that Harry’s already been here for over a month and is planning on checking this chasm regularly. How long is he staying for? Surely only until the move is complete.

“I mean, yeah. I do.” Harry nods, his lips pulled into an odd shape.”I monitor it everyday and have visited it a few times now. When you study something so much and then have a chance to actually see it and feel it--”

Louis holds his tongue on that. “So what are your cameras showing you?”

Harry frowns as he stares at the camera. “Well, our most recent calculations say it’s widening about ten centimeters a day.”

“Is that fast?”

“Yeah, that’s quite serious. Faster than I anticipated.”

“But we’ll be okay, though? We’re moving it fast enough?”

“Oh yeah. Don’t worry, Lou. As long as we get the station moved this summer. We should be fine.”

Louis longs to know if when Harry says _we,_ he includes himself now as part of Halley’s team.

///

A few days before Louis’ birthday, they have whiteout conditions that delay the move for Big Red. When on board Halley, a whiteout just generally means staying on board and not leaving the station, an annoyance at best. A whiteout in temporary shelters means periodically going outside in shifts to keep themselves from being buried alive in snow.

It’s hell.

He’s soaked through and his back hurts and his arms feel like rubber from all the shoveling. It doesn’t occur to him until the last meal of the day that the snow has probably destroyed part of the road needed to move Big Red. As they walk through the line for food, he forgets all this in favour of teasing Niall, who is bitching about all the manual labour he’s been forced to do lately.

“First, the fucking tents. Now, they’ve got me out shoveling! And by _‘they’_ I mean Liam. What if I’d been injured? Everyone would starve!”

“Better than being buried alive, Ni,” Louis says. “Weather isn’t something you can control like your cooking.”

“If there’s one thing you can’t plan for, it’s the weather,” Harry says, sagely using Louis words. They grin at each other.

“Both of you can sod off. See if I make any of your favourites any time soon,” Niall says with a wave of his hand. “And don’t think I don’t know them either!”

As it turns out, Big Red gets towed on Louis’ birthday. Extra bulldozers arrive to help tow the largest of the modules. Louis is fairly certain that everyone has come to watch as the heart and soul of Halley slowly moves across the white snow road and out of sight. It’s quite depressing really, but Niall attempts to rally everyone’s spirits with a birthday cake for Louis at their last meal of the day.

Louis sits through a rousing rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ as gracefully as he can, though his cheeks heat under the scrutiny of everyone’s attention on him. He can’t help but be a bit pleased though with Harry sat across from him singing with a wide dimpled grin. It’s nice to get a bit of attention for his birthday since he’s often been relegated to the back burner when it comes to celebrating it at home, everyone busy with their families on Christmas Eve. His mum had always tried her best to do something special for him though, and he slips away from the festive air in the rec room and heads for the tent.

He lays on his back and stares up at the top of the tent and tries not to give in to his emotions.

“Lou?”

Harry enters the tent hesitantly, but he doesn’t ask if Louis wants him to stay. He just sits down on his mattress and looks at him, concern clear in his eyes.

Louis doesn’t say anything. He’s afraid if he starts speaking everything will come out, all the things that are better left unsaid.

“You know you can talk to me, don’t you? If you’re worried about the station or--” Harry says, running a hand through his hair just as he used to when it was much longer. “You must be missing your family today. Did you get a chance to call them? I’m sure Edie would be happy to let you call them. I mean she--”

Louis doesn’t reply. He just sits up and crawls the short distance to Harry’s lap, straddling him.

“--adores you.”

Louis licks into Harry’s warm mouth and tastes desire on his tongue. He’s grateful for it, for the distraction it provides on a day like today and for how it keeps Harry from asking more than he can give.

Harry must know what he’s doing, avoiding anything real like this, but he quickly understands that Louis needs him. He needs Harry to let him forget himself in his arms, and so Harry gives him what he needs.

///

The next day, there are Christmas crackers and colourful paper crowns and drinking and an impromptu bicycle obstacle course race. Liam wears his Christmas hat that makes him look like an elf, complete with jingling bell on top. They do just about anything to keep themselves from remembering that at the end of the day even on Christmas day, they won’t be going home to their friends and families. They’re trapped here for now, and in their own way have become a sort of family, albeit a slightly dysfunctional, extended one.

Any further movement of the modules is put on hold as the R.S.S. Ernest Shackleton has arrived. On board are all the supplies Halley will need for the next year. Niall is beside himself with glee over the fresh veg and fruits and an entire ton of bacon. Louis is as happy as anyone to see fresh, colorful peppers at tea.

There’s a lot of bustling about still for a holiday what with some of the crew working twenty-four hour shifts to get the ship of supplies unloaded and brought to the station, but Louis finds a moment outside that night in the cold, still air to just enjoy it. The sun flirts with the horizon as though it might just set at any moment, teasing him. He’s always loved these small, brief moments of joy here, but for the first time he truly wishes for someone to be here to share it with him. Not Zayn, not Niall, not Liam--

“Hey, love. It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Louis replies as he looks at Harry’s profile in the light of the far off, neverending sun. “It really is.”

“You ready to come to bed? Or do you want to stay out here a while yet?”

He opens his mouth to reply, but then realizes that what he really wants is just to be in this moment with Harry and it doesn’t matter where that might be.

Harry seems to read the answer on his face and takes his hand and leads him away to their tent. Most people are still in the rec area at this time of night, although a few are still working or already asleep.

The unending sunlight casts a deep, warm glow through the orange canvas of the tent as Harry moves inside him. He lets the warm colour wash over him as Harry’s body presses him down into the mattress, clinging to the moment and the feeling of such a familiar lover. He closes his eyes and tries to memorise this moment in indelible ink, so that when the darkness of winter finds him, he’ll have this memory to light his days.

///

New Year’s Eve dawns as brightly as ever. Not that Louis can see it properly yet. He stretches his body beneath the down sleeping bag that has been zipped together with Harry’s. He keeps his eyes closed beneath the sleeping mask that blocks out most of the light they try to sleep through each night, but small slivers creep in around the edges. A brief pang in his chest tells him to try and keep hold just a little while longer. So he wraps his arms back around the sleeping man beside him, his snores bringing a smile to Louis’ face as he lightly presses his lips against the warm skin of Harry’s neck.

He hears when Harry awakes. His snores abruptly stop, and he makes a small snuffling noise that brings another smile to Louis’ face. Everything about Harry has him captivated, just like before. He shouldn’t have bothered trying to resist this. He should have known that he would never be strong enough to protect himself from Harry’s searching eyes and warm lips and clever tongue.

Harry murmurs sleepy words that Louis likes to pretend mean more than they do. He knows better, but is it really so terrible if he lets himself believe in them? Just for a moment longer, he thinks as his hand wraps around Harry’s cock.

“Mmmmm--Lou. Feels good.”

Harry grinds his arse back against him, and he feels his own cock hardening just as Harry’s does in his hand.

“Baby--”

Louis uses the bit of slickness from Harry’s precome to slide his hand up and down him. He takes his time, pacing his hand with shallow thrusts against Harry’s joggers.

“Love--”

Harry pulls down his joggers just beneath his arse. He feels Harry’s hand shake against the arm he has wrapped around him. He’s pleased that at the very least he can make Harry’s body respond so beautifully to him as he teases the tip of his cock against the crease of Harry’s arse.

“God--darling--yes--”

He doesn’t reach for the lube or condoms they have in the bag nearby. Instead, he thrusts against Harry faster now as he moves his hand more quickly as well.

“Yes--sweetheart--yes--”

Louis’ eyes sting a bit at the friction against Harry’s skin with not much to ease the slide. Or maybe they sting for other reasons as well. Ones he doesn’t care to think about just now. Plenty of time to think about them later in the darkness that will come.

“Babe--Christ--Lou--Louis--”

Harry presses back and forth as though he doesn’t know which he wants more--the feel of Louis’ hand or the feel of him against his arse. And then, Harry’s coming into his hand just as his orgasm builds in the pit of his stomach, releasing himself against Harry’s skin.

“Happy New Year, Lou.”

“Not the new year just yet, Henry.”

///

They can’t spend all day in bed. Work marches on at the station no matter what day it might be, but everyone makes time just before midnight to have their own countdown out in the snow. It’s a clear day with bright sunlight, and it always strikes Louis as the oddest celebration to throw confetti and blow noisemakers with the sun shining as brightly as if it were noon instead of midnight anywhere else.

Harry stands so closely beside him as they count down that he’s both afraid Harry will kiss him at midnight and afraid he won’t. They’ve not spoken at all about telling people about them. Probably because what they have isn’t something worth telling people about, but whatever his misgivings he can’t deny that when he’s with Harry, the world feels lighter--happier even.

Harry grins at him just as they reach the count of three, and when the timer goes off, Niall jumps into Louis’ arms and plants a sloppy kiss across his cheek.

“Happy New Year, ya wanker!”

“Christ, Ni,” Louis says as he wipes his cheek with his back of his glove, but he’s laughing along with everyone else.

Everyone toasts with a beer, and someone else has managed to sneak in a bottle of champagne, probably from their recent shipment, so that gets passed around as well. Everyone either heads back inside for another beer or back to their tents if they have an early morning, but Harry hesitates just inside the door of the shelter.

“I should probably go get some sleep,” Harry says before he begins taking off any gear.

“Didn’t realise you were checking the ice chasms again tomorrow.”

Harry gives him an odd look. “You _do_ realise that’s not all I do here, right?”

“Uhhhh--”

Harry gives him a playful shove. “I told you I’ve been continuing Isabell’s research. I won’t need to check on the ice chasms again for a few weeks. Not until I need to go back and check on the time lapse cameras we set up again.”

“So you’ll be coming back fairly often to Halley, then? Once we’re moved anyway.” Louis isn’t even sure what he’s asking of him, but it feels like he’s asking for more than what his words mean on the surface.

Harry’s cheeks flush, and Louis wonders if he’s getting too hot in all his gear. “Ehm--I’ll be here as long as Isabell’s gone actually. I--uh-asked to stay here to continue with her research for the rest of the summer after the decision was made to move the station.”

“Oh.” Louis so badly wants to ask if he asked to stay because of him, but that’s absurd. They’d barely spoken at the time when Harry must have asked to stay on.

Harry looks nervous at Louis’ response. “Her research is--ehm--important--so--”

“Are they doing okay without you at Rothera then? They could spare you?”

“Yeah, they’re--fine--I guess. There are more glaciologists there obviously with it being a larger station.”

“So, what is it that you do then? Go stare at glaciers?”

Harry seems to relax at the slight change in subject and Louis’ teasing tone. “Well, I do look at snow samples a lot. That and monitor the ice. Would you want to--go out on the ice again with me in a few weeks?”

“To check the chasms again?”

“No, it’s too soon for that. I thought I’d go see the Halloween crack--the one that was discovered last October. I got a message from Rothera that they’d like me to set up time lapse cameras there, too, since I’m nearby enough. They told me to have them set up by early February. Might as well make it a bit of a birthday gift to myself.”

“You’ve got a strange idea of what a gift is, Henry.”

“Well, I _am_ a glaciologist. I think ice gifts make sense probably.”

“Fair enough,” Louis says as he reopens the door to head back out into the cold.

“You going to bed as well?” Harry asks.

“I am if you are.”

Harry waggles his eyebrows ridiculously. “Is that so? Think you’re gonna get lucky on New Year’s Eve, do you?”

Louis shrugs. “Was hoping for a kiss maybe.”

“Mmhmm,” Harry replies as they head back out into the snow.

Harry grabs his gloved hand in his own and starts tugging him along quickly through the other tents, and Louis can’t help but let out a laugh at how fast Harry is trying to get them to privacy. They aren’t in the tent for more than a few seconds before Harry has pulled him into his arms and begins tasting his mouth.

“Sweet as honey, Lou.”

Louis laughs against his lips. “Probably more like beer and biscuits.”

Harry breaks away from the kiss only to press his forehead against Louis’, and the silly moment turns into something else--something with more intent.

“I love to hear you laugh,” Harry says, his voice deeper than it had been just a moment ago. “Do you even know what you do to me?”

Harry doesn’t wait for an answer. He recaptures Louis’ lips as he starts peeling away the layers of clothing between them. It takes some time as there are so many, but eventually they’re standing nude in the faintly orange glow of the sun through the thick canvas of the tent that doesn’t quite block out the light.

It’s quite cold and they need to be beneath the down of their sleeping bags to even hope to continue this further, but Harry’s fingertips press into his arms and hold him in place as he looks his fill. Harry’s stare has always made him feel exposed, but this is too much, so he steps forward to press his body against him. Harry groans, his eyes shutter closed, and Louis’ nerves quiet out from under his scrutiny.

It’s far too late in the aftermath of their lovemaking to stay up chatting, but as Harry rests his head upon Louis’ heart, Harry whispers against his skin.

“What’s it like here, Lou? In the winter, I mean.”

He inhales a bit sharply in surprise at the question, but then settles his arms around Harry pressing a kiss into the curls at the top of his head. “Cold. Dark.”

He feels Harry snort against his chest. “I knew that much, Lou.”

“Have you never stayed then?” Louis asks instead of furthering his answer.

“No. I haven’t. Are you gonna tell me what it’s like or not?”

Louis rolls his eyes at the petulant tone even though Harry can’t see it. “Well, it _is_ cold and dark like I said. But it’s also quite--something--calm, beautiful. I don’t think words can really explain it. There are so few people left behind that the station is quiet for the most part, less rushed. But everyone stays quite busy because there are less of us to keep everything running properly.”

Harry shuffles a bit as though to get more comfortable for the story.

“Niall cooks proper gourmet meals for us since there aren’t so many of us. Did you know he used to work in a Michelin starred restaurant back in Dublin?”

“Mmm,” Harry says in acknowledgement.

“He even makes little chocolate swirls and shit for the pudding.”

He thinks he can feel Harry’s smile against his skin.

“It’s hard to explain the darkness. It can mess with your head for sure to see no sunlight for that long. The Phillips lamps help, but really nothing can prepare you for living your life in darkness.”

Harry stills against him. “Why would you want to stay then?”

Louis is in no way prepared to answer this question to himself much less Harry, so he ignores it.

“Have you ever seen an aurora?”

“No.”

“Well, besides the stars, it’s the only light we’ll see all winter. They used to believe that the auroras meant the coming of the dawn from the darkness, that’s where the name came from, but they aren’t, of course. It’s actually just solar wind disturbing the magnetosphere.”

Harry huffs a laugh that tickles his chest. “Of course.”

“Oh, did you want the full explanation then? When the magnetosphere is disturbed enough by the solar wind, the trajectories of the charged particles precipitate them into the thermosphere and exosphere due to the Earth’s magnetic field where they lose their energy. The resulting ionization is what--”

“No! Stop! Please! Don’t ruin the pretty lights for me!”

“Okay. I’ll stop,” Louis laughs and brushes Harry’s curls back across his forehead. “It’s so beautiful though.”

Louis’ voice grows hushed as he closes his eyes and remembers the swirling lights of the Aurora australis. “It’s always so dark before you see them. And then the sky glows with streaks of green and purple. And suddenly you feel how very far you’ve come from anywhere else you’ve ever known, almost as if you’ve traveled through space. There’s no hiding from it, not that you’d want to hide. The entire sky is streaked with colour, but if I look at it too long, I feel--”

He stops, tense from the words he’s let come to the surface.

“Feel what, Lou?”

 _Alone,_ he thinks. He doesn’t say it though. Just closes his eyes and his heart and sleeps.

///

Louis takes a sip of tea as he waits for Harry to finish eating breakfast on the morning of Harry’s birthday and reads the latest letter he’s just gotten from Lottie. It says the usual things--asking when he’ll be able to call again, how the twins are doing at school, what song is Doris’ new favourite--who exactly this Harry Styles person is he keeps writing about. He nearly chokes on his tea. Fucking hell. He’s clearly said a few too many things about Harry in his letters even if he’d tried not to give anything away.

He looks nervously at Harry as though he might somehow see that he’s gone and said too much to his little sister about him. He quickly folds the letter back up and places it back in its envelope before turning his attention to Harry.

“So why is it that I’ve not heard much about this Halloween crack we’re going to see?”

Harry takes a bite of egg and then replies, “Probably because it’s only been on our radar since October, and obviously we’ve been most preoccupied with the southern ice chasms as they seemed to be posing the most danger to the station. Rothera thinks there’s been some movement with the Halloween crack though, so it’s best we keep a watch on it.”

After breakfast, they set off again across the ice with Lauren in tow to ensure their safety. Louis doesn’t even bother to pretend to himself that he isn’t relishing in being able to hold tightly to Harry as they make their way across the snow and ice and have an excuse to do it. Harry has them stop quite far from the actual rift when they get nearby.

“The area around the rift is potentially unstable, so for safety reasons, we’re going to work as a team,” Harry explains as he and Lauren begin roping themselves together and then to Louis.

Louis is slightly disappointed that they don’t get an up close look at this new crack, but he closely follows their directions and watches as they set up a small drone to fly over the fissure before Harry again sets up time lapse cameras.

As Harry loads the equipment back onto the sled, Louis can tell something isn’t right. Normally, Harry is overjoyed to be out on the ice and fascinated by what he finds, but this time he’s been unusually quiet.

“So--how’s it looking?”

Harry chews his lip as he looks back in the direction of the fissure. “It appears to be widening at a much faster rate than expected. Not that you can really predict how an ice rift is going to behave, but--”

“How fast is _fast_?”

“Looks like it’s about forty centimeters a day using Rothera’s preliminary measurements, but that was done from less precise imaging.”

“Forty? That’s--a lot faster than the other ice chasms we saw.”

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a surprise that,” Harry says, still not meeting his eyes. “I’ll come back in a few weeks to check the time lapse cameras, and that will give us a better idea of how fast it’s really growing.”

As soon as they return to the station, Harry rushes off to the comm’s office to send the data he’s collected to Rothera. Louis tries not to worry, but there’s a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that Harry hasn’t said what he’s really thinking.

Harry doesn’t show up at the next meal, and neither does Liam. Zayn asks him if he knows where they are, but Louis just shakes his head. The food tastes like ash in his mouth, and he can barely choke it down.

“Didn’t you go out on the ice with Harry today?”

Louis nods as he tries to swallow another bite.

“Well--did something happen or--”

“I dunno.”

“Okay--well, it’s a bit odd that both of them didn’t show up. What’s going on?”

“The rift we looked at today was bigger than expected, I guess, and faster moving. So maybe they’re talking about that.” Louis tries to say it casually. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t succeed.

“Ah. Well, I’m sure if we’re moving the station out of harm’s way anyway, they’ve accounted for this crack or whatever. It cost eleven million pounds to move the station they said. They wouldn’t just move it right into more danger.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you’re right.”

But it doesn’t stop the sinking feeling in his stomach from growing.

As soon as they’re done eating he goes in search of Harry, but when he passes the makeshift comm’s office it’s Liam’s voice that stops him in his tracks. Louis can’t help but listen in. It doesn’t take long to realise that Liam is speaking with the head of the operations team back in Cambridge.

“Yes, Harry’s shown me the data--I agree it doesn’t look good--Thank you for asking for my input on this, but I’m not going to ever risk the safety of my crew--I’m not going to presume to know better than a team of glaciologists--I’ll put together a brief presentation about what’s happening and call a meeting as soon as possible--Yes, I have the evacuation procedures in front of me now--I’m sorry it’s come to this, too.”


	6. Chapter 6

He doesn’t find Harry before Liam’s presentation. There’s only so many places someone can be here, so it’s obvious Harry is actively avoiding him as he basically searched the place. In fact, he doesn’t see Harry until they’ve all gathered in the dining area. There are already rumblings because the last time they met as a group like this they were told the station was moving. No one seems to think they’re getting good news.

Louis already knows they’re right.

Harry won’t meet his eyes across the room. He stands off to the side of Liam at the front, gnawing at his bottom lip. Louis stares at him, willing him to just fucking look at him, to see some bit of something in his eyes. Reassurance that everything is going to be okay, or hope that this isn’t what Louis thinks it is.

Liam clears his throat and turns on a projection of images that Harry must have taken today with the drone. The room silences.

“Hello, I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve asked you here, so I’ll get right to it. This is an image of the Halloween crack, located north of the station. Harry here went out to get a closer look at it today, and it’s become clear that the fissure is widening at a much faster rate than previously believed. It’s widening at nearly four times the rate that the ice chasms to the south are widening. It’s now believed that the Halloween crack will most likely cause a break from the ice shelf and create an iceberg with an area north of here. This may not have been cause for too much concern on its own but--” Liam switches the projection to a map marked with Halley’s position now as well as it’s new position and the location of the ice chasms. “We can’t predict with certainty what’s going to happen to the ice shelf over the course of the winter. As we all know, it would not be possible to rescue a crew in the winter, so we’ve made the decision on the recommendation of the glaciology and operations teams to not winter at the new Halley location. The possible interaction between two different features on the ice shelf is just too risky. I’m very sorry to have to be the one to tell you all that we must completely evacuate the station for the winter.”

Louis’ heart stops. His eyes fly to Harry who is finally looking back at him, almost pleadingly. It’s all too much for Louis’ brain to even comprehend. They’re going to evacuate Halley. It just doesn’t compute. They haven’t evacuated Halley in the over fifty years of its existence. Surely, they aren’t going to completely evacuate. But when he looks into Liam’s face, he can see the truth written there. They most certainly have decided exactly that. They’re going to evacuate the base.

People begin to disperse, talking loudly and over each other now that they know the news. Louis stands amidst everyone, struck dumb, still staring at Liam’s projection of the map of Halley’s new position. People push past him and around him to leave. He’s only brought to when Niall appears in front of him.

“I know you must be gutted, mate. I am, too.”

Louis looks into Niall’s familiar blue eyes and sees some of his own panic mirrored back at him. “They can’t do this. I’ll talk to him--them. I’ll talk to Liam. I’ll call the head of operations. I’ll call the head of British Antarctic Survey--”

Niall cuffs him around the shoulder and starts steering him out of the dining hall and into the kitchen. He doesn’t stop until they’re between shelves, which is about as private a location to have a conversation as Halley has to offer at the moment.

“Lou, come on, mate. I know it’s shite, but whilst it might not help right at this moment, you have to know no one relished making this decision. It’s a bit of a tough one for all of us.”

Louis can hear Niall’s voice and his words, but they are not sinking in at all. All he can think about is that this is some sort of mistake. He’s got to make people see reason.

“They’re going to interrupt fifty years of data!” He hisses.

“You think they don’t know that, Lou?” Niall places a hand on his shoulder that he quickly shakes off and stalks away.

“Where are you going?” Niall calls out.

“Someone owes me an explanation,” he mutters under his breath. He’s going to find Harry if he has to rip open every tent to do it.

///

It doesn’t take him that long to find Harry. He glances back through the dining area as he stalks away from Niall, but no one is in there any longer. He takes a quick look through the common areas before tearing open his own tent to find Harry sitting there on his air mattress.

It startles him. He thought he was going to have to tear the place apart, seeing as how well Harry avoided him earlier.

“Lou? I’m really sorry. I should have--”

Louis doesn’t let him finish whatever sorry excuse he has for what he’s done. “You’ve done this on purpose.”

Whatever it is Harry had expected him to say, apparently that wasn’t it. “What?”

“Well, you obviously feel guilty about _something_ seeing as how you’ve been hiding from me all afternoon.”

Harry at least has the grace to blush and look down at his hands clasped together in his lap. “I should have told you before you had to hear it with everyone else. I followed the protocol instead, but I wish--”

“The protocol?” Louis sneers. “You think I’m upset about _the protocol?”_

The colour in Harry’s cheeks stays high. “Aren’t you?”

“Of course I’m not upset about the protocol. You don’t owe me that. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Then, why are you--”

“Angry? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you oh so conveniently took me out to the ice today, knowing damn well what you were going to find out there. Showed me so you could cover your tracks.”

“Cover my tracks? What does that even--”

“Wouldn’t want to miss out on a few extra fucks, I suppose, if you didn’t have me convinced that you were doing things for my own good.”

Harry jumps up from the bed. They’re standing far too close for Louis’ comfort in the small confines of the tent. Harry’s jaw twitches in what Louis supposes must be indignation, not that he’s ever even seen him truly angry before now. “You think I’d go to those kinds of lengths just so I could keep fucking you? You think I brought you out there to keep you around somehow? Do you think I’m lying about this--”

Louis shrugs as though it were somehow possible that Harry has exaggerated the data. “Maybe you thought I’d follow you around right back to London. Keep me around until you decide to fuck off back to Rothera.”

“What the fuck, Lou? You think I’d leave Halley out in the cold on her own, if we didn’t have to? You think I’d risk the first break of data in fifty years just so I could force you to come home?” Harry runs his hands through his hair in agitation, pulling it into his fists tightly. “We should have talked about what’s going on between us. I should have said something, but last time--”

Louis’ blood pounds in his ears. He can’t talk about last time. He holds up his hands to stop Harry’s words. He can’t bear to hear them. Last time, his already broken heart shattered into even more infinitesimal pieces. He knows the pieces haven’t healed, still stuck there in his chest, the shards ready to slice him back open at any moment. How stupid he’s been to allow this. As though the one who had crushed what little hope he’d had left at the most vulnerable time of his life could possibly help him heal. No, he’s just here to reopen the wounds.

He’s back out in the snow before he even has time to think about it. A wind has kicked up and he’s glad of it because it means there’s no way Harry can follow him without his gear on. He heads straight for the electronics office and one of the few people on earth whom he still trusts.

“Lou?” Zayn looks relieved to see him. “Bloody fucking hell. I went looking for you, but Niall told me to leave it. Said you were probably talking to Harry. I didn’t want to interfere.”

“Oh, I was definitely off talking to Harry.” He fights back the angry tears that are threatening to spill out over his cheeks.

Zayn hesitates for a moment before he asks, “Lou, are you okay?”

Louis opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He stares at Zayn who is starting to look awfully concerned. It’s just that his brain seems to be short circuiting now that the reality of the situation is beginning to sink in. He’s going to have to leave. They’re all going to be forced to leave.

“Lou? Christ. Just--sit down or--” Zayn stands up and carefully pushes him into the chair.

It feels like he can’t get a full breath all of a sudden.

“Take some breaths. Lou? Look at me okay, mate?” Zayn is right in his face now, crouched down in front of him. “It’s going to be okay, Louis. I promise. Whatever happens, it’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. Remember when I said you could come back to Bradford with me? I meant it.”

“Zayn?” He hates the way emotion chokes his voice. “I--can’t go back--”

He’s not sure if he means London where he lived before he left for Antarctica or Doncaster where what’s left of his family lives or Bradford with Zayn. He decides to take this moment by moment.

“I can’t go back to Harry’s tent.”

“Done,” Zayn says firmly as he stands up. “I’ll take care of it.”

///

As if life hasn’t thrown enough curves his way, Liam calls them all back to the dining area the following morning. Liam looks nervous, possibly even worse than he did yesterday.  There isn’t much hope that this is good news.

“I’m sorry to keep being the bearer of possibly more unpleasant news. Yesterday wasn’t the best day at the office for me or any of us obviously.” Liam clears his throat. “I’ve just received word that they’d like us to begin evacuating the temporary station immediately. Two-thirds of you will be sent home in the next few days, and the other third will be sent to Rothera until the end of the summer season. Any of our winter crew that wishes to stay and winter at Rothera can come speak to me and the summer base commander of Rothera once we’re there. We’ll decide then whether you’re needed for the winter or not.”

Murmuring immediately breaks out amongst the staff. Louis doesn’t look for Harry this time, though he knows he’s somewhere in the room.

Liam turns a projection on that has a list of names. “Everyone listed here will need to begin packing their belongings and will be the first to leave for home in the next few days. Everyone else--you’ll be sent to Rothera for the next five weeks.”

Louis looks for his name. It isn’t there. He turns and walks from the room.

/// ///

 

Rothera Research Station

Rothera Point,  Adelaide Island

Antarctica

 

The weeks since he arrived at Rothera have not inspired any great liking for the place. It’s so much larger and more spread out than Halley, far more people around, and a much larger dining area in their large residence building. On Saturdays, everyone is expected to dress smartly for a more formal evening meal, which Louis finds absurd and pretentious. This is the fucking Antarctic for Christ’s sake. Why should the plumber have to put on a nice shirt to eat? He’d protest by not coming, but then he’d be hungry. So he reluctantly dresses in one of Zayn’s nicer shirts every Saturday and eats the damn food.

The only thing he finds even remotely entertaining about the place is the increase in wildlife he gets to see, in part because he spends a lot of time outdoors here. It takes so bloody long to get from the residence and dining hall to his lab building and then to the electronics lab where Zayn is always holed up and then to the old residence hall that now holds the gym. Not that he needs the gym with how much hiking and walking he does here.

Halley has always been compact enough not to have to venture outside except of course when they had to move her, and it’s located so far inland that he didn’t ever see much in the way of animal life. He does admit to some enjoyment over seeing the Adelie penguins and gulls and skuas and a few other birds he’s not sure of the names of, even seals and whales are fairly common sights here if you make the effort to hike a bit to see them. There are definite benefits of being close to the water.

None of that makes up for the fact that he feels wrong here, out of place and without the kind of purpose he always felt he had at Halley. He’s just one of many here, not really necessary. And he’s alone again. Not literally, of course. He’s sharing a room with Zayn, and he’s been obviously promised his own room when he winters here. He and Niall still hang out every morning for breakfast although it’s not as private as it once was with so many other chefs about the place.  But he’s alone in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time--since the last time he felt abandoned by Harry, he supposes.

He had grown used to the absence of romantic affection in his life. He’d truly thought he didn’t need it, wasn’t perhaps even ready for it. And then Harry fucking Styles had to come and fuck up his life again with his pet names and his warmth and he’d gone and fallen for it all over again.

He had reminded himself over and over again that this wasn’t something to count on, but in the end it’s clear he didn’t succeed in believing it. He tries to tell himself it will be different when winter comes--better. He’ll miss Zayn of course, but he’ll still have Niall and he won’t have to look over his shoulder everywhere he goes looking for--

He cuts off that thought. There’s no reason to think more about Harry. Harry who spent the first week here trying to speak with him and then gave up. That’s all their relationship, if it could even be called that, was worth to him. If anything, it feels like it’s all come full circle, back to how it was when Harry first arrived at Halley, polite indifference until Louis provoked him into starting something back up. He scrubs a hand over his face before he puts his hat and goggles on and opens the door. He wasn’t going to think about it, he reminds himself.

Today is a day like all the others here with the notable exception that it’s his turn to release the weather balloon. He prepares the radiosonde and readies it to launch with the balloon. He lets it fly up into the atmosphere, and he stays to watch it float up into the clouds. He stays like that for a while, just staring up at the sky. He knows there are quite a few other meteorologists staring up at the sky at this moment as well, and he wonders if any of them feel as lost as he does right now. He wonders if any of them find themselves focused on what’s in the clouds so as to avoid what’s happening on the ground.

The sounds and sight of a plane taking off from the crushed rock runway distracts him from his thoughts. He’s still not used to planes taking off so often around here, shuttling people to and from the station and to their sister stations around the western Antarctic peninsula. He watches it fly into the air until it too is out of sight.

He knows he needs to get to get back to the lab, so he sighs and begins to walk back. He’s thought perhaps that since he was granted permission to stay at Rothera this winter, he’d begin to feel better about this whole thing, but he doesn’t. This place just isn’t home like Halley was. There’s an itch beneath his skin now that won’t leave him be. He doesn’t know why it’s there precisely, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. But he hopes it will leave him once Harry Styles departs for London.

As soon as he thinks the name, he curses himself as though he’s just inadvertently summoned him. Harry is watching him from the entrance to one of the large storage houses. Harry gives him a pained look as though he thinks Louis won’t notice or as though he somehow has the right to feel hurt over all that’s happened.

Louis turns his back on him and walks a different, longer way back to the lab. A small part of him admits that maybe Harry does have some kind of hurt over what happened between them, but he’s just not in the right headspace to even consider this right now.

Somehow his feet take him to the comm’s office, and even though he knows Edie isn’t there, it still feels off to find some bloke he doesn’t know in charge of communications. In a stroke of luck, or perhaps he looks pathetic enough that it’s pity, the comm manager allows him to place a call immediately.

He isn’t even sure if anyone will be around, surely the little ones are at school at this time of day. He hopes he isn’t disturbing Lottie at work when he rings her.

“Lou?”

“Hey, Lots, sorry to bother you if you’re--”

“No, no! I’m just going to go somewhere quieter.”

He hears the background noise of the office she works in as she makes her way presumably somewhere with less people about.

“So happy to hear from you, Louis. We didn’t know you were going to call.”

“Yeah,” Louis answers and blows out a breath. “I didn’t know I was going to call either. Kind of a spur of the moment decision to ask.”

“Well, I’m glad of it even if no one else gets to talk to you. Bit of a treat for me, really,” she says with a laugh.

He closes his eyes at her words. If there weren’t somebody else in the room, he might just fall apart. A treat. His little sister thinks it’s a treat just to get to talk to him on her own for a few minutes.

“Fuck, I’m sorry I don’t call more, Lottie. It’s just the b--”

“Bandwidth, I know,” she says, a smile still in her voice.

“Yeah, bandwidth.”

“So how is the new station? I’ve been a bit worried about you.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s--fine. I mean, I can’t wait to get back to Halley, but it’ll do for now.”

“Do you ever think about--well--” She suddenly stops and clears her throat and doesn’t finish her thought. Instead, she launches into an update on everyone. “Fizzy has a new boyfriend that I’m not so sure about, but what can I do really? The babies are great, loving nursery school. Guess they’re not really babies anymore though, are they? Phoebe and Daisy think they’re so much older and more mature than they are, so typical teenagers, I suppose.”

“What about you?”

“Oh, I’m fine. Work keeps me busy. And my friends. The only thing really missing is--”

“--Mum”

“--you.”

///

A week before the summer crew is due to leave he sees Harry snap at one of the other glaciologists about some piece of broken equipment as they walk out of the dining hall. It’s such an odd occurrence it makes him wonder. He’s never really seen Harry be rude like that. Maybe he doesn’t know Harry as well as he thought he did.

It’s odd he notices this just before Niall finally breaks his silence about Harry. In fact, it’s just the next morning as he goes in for breakfast that Niall pounces. Well, maybe pounce is the wrong word. More like Niall shouts it out to him as he reaches into the refrigerator for bacon.

“You happen to know why Harry’s walking around here like a bear with a thorn in his paw?”

Louis immediately stiffens. “I’m sure I wouldn’t know.”

Niall slaps the bacon onto a plate on the counter and shoots him a far too knowing look. “You sure about that, mate? Rumour has it Harry got a little drunk last night.”

“How did he get a hold of more than two beers?” Louis asks immediately before shuttering any emotion from his voice. “Never mind, not my business.”

“Oh no? Even though you used to be each other’s shadows at Halley and now you stay as far apart as possible?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Niall turns from the bacon to look at him searchingly. “Lou, you know there ain’t secrets on a research station at the end of the world.”

“You and Zayn are the worst gossips.”

Niall snorts. “Zayn didn’t tell me shit. It was written all over your face. Just like it was back in Cambridge.”

This jolts Louis more than he wishes it did. “You knew that--”

“Everyone knew, Lou,” Niall interrupts. “There ain’t secrets in a small training camp either.”

Louis starts rummaging in the cupboard for tea as though he’s not interested in speaking about this any further. “Well, whatever it was between us is over now anyway. It was no big deal.”

“Seems like it was a big deal to Harry.”

Louis drops the box of tea and then begins picking up the spilled contents.

Niall continues. “You weren’t in his tent at Halley when he came back to it thinking he was gonna talk to you and found me instead.”

Louis’ heart races a bit faster. He has no idea how to extricate himself from this conversation without just running out of the place.

Niall doesn’t let him respond. “I mighta had a talk with him last night. After he sobered up a little.”

“Why should I care?”

“Well, seeing as how he was telling me how heartbroken he was, I may have let a few things slip about you.”

“What things?” Louis bites out.

“Like that you had a reason for hiding out here for so long.”

“I’m not hiding,” he shoots back immediately.

Niall raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Aren’t you though?”

“So you told him about my mum, did you?” Louis sneers. “Well, fucking sue me for not wallowing around at home.”

Niall stops pretending he’s even trying to make breakfast. His blue eyes fill with sadness or  maybe pity. “Ah, Lou. Grieving, mate. It’s called grieving, not wallowing. I know you miss them, you know.”

Louis doesn’t say anything. He’s not sure he can bear to say anything to that really.

“I know you miss your family, Lou. Don’t think anyone sends as much mail as you do, and according to Edie, no one uses up all the comm bandwidth like you do either.” Louis can’t help but smile at this for a moment, imagining Edie back in Glasgow now still having nightmares about the bandwidth. “And I know you miss your mum, mate, but staying away isn’t going to bring her back.”

Louis’ smile dampens. “You don’t know everything about me, Niall.”

Niall smiles at him a bit sadly. “Lou, I know you better than I know almost anyone else in this fucked up world. Love you, mate, but I figured you out a long time ago. Maybe even that first winter.”

“Well, what are you always doing here then?” Louis shoots back. “You’re here almost as much as me.”

Niall lets out a laugh. “Yeah, I’m thinking of taking my own advice, actually. Well, I think the fucking ice has done it for me. They don’t really need another chef around here, so--I’m thinking of going home to Mullinger.”

Louis looks at him in surprise. He hadn’t even considered that Niall might leave Antarctica. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Gonna see if Meg still loves me because I think I’m finally ready to make her my priority now. Guess I’ll see if she’ll take me back, or if she’s forgotten me, I’m gonna work on getting over her. Maybe head back to Dublin then.”

Louis stares at him in a bit of shock. Clearly, Niall has given this some thought before now.

“We’ve been here too long, Lou. We’re becoming institutionalised. No money to handle, no rent to pay, you lot never have to cook yourself a damn thing,” Niall says with a chuckle. “This ain’t the real world, and you and me, we’ve become repeat offenders, we have. Barely ever leave the place, but the ice is telling us to be on our way now. And I’ve decided to listen.”

Louis doesn’t respond. He just shakes his head as though to clear them of Niall’s words and walks away. As he walks down through the dining hall and starts pulling on his gear, confusion and anger runs thick in his veins. By the time he steps outside into the cold light, he’s ready to go find Harry.

///

As he begins to search for Harry, he’s reminded of the fucked up way Harry had hidden from him the day everything went to hell back at Halley. He lets the fury of that moment guide him through the glaciology offices and then towards the comm’s office and then through the electronics lab, pausing only to say a stiff hello to Zayn, who eyes him curiously.

He heads to the dining hall and even knocks at Harry’s bedroom. He’s about to stomp away and roar his frustration into the icy wind that he’s unable to unleash on Harry when Harry’s roommate rounds the corner and sees him.

“Hello,” the bloke says with a friendly smile. “You looking for me or Harry?”

“Harry.” He doesn’t like the way the raspy tone of his own voice betrays his emotion to a stranger.

“Sorry you missed him. He’s gone hiking up the peak that overlooks Ryder Bay. He’s hoping to spot some whales I think. Probably be back in an hour. He goes up there a lot. Are you a friend or--”

Louis shrugs, pretending nonchalance.

“Well, if you’re a friend, keep a lookout on him. He seems really different than I remember him before he spent all summer at Halley. I think he’s having a bit of a rough go at the mo.”

Louis tells himself this means nothing as he straps on hiking boots and hurries off towards the cliff overlooking Ryder Bay. By the time he’s half way up, he spots the tell tale sign of an orange Rothera anorak. Of course, Harry couldn’t let him have anything the easy way. Oh no, of course he’s got to climb a damn mountain side just to tell him what a wanker he is.

Harry must hear him coming, though he doesn’t turn to look. And when Louis speaks, it’s almost as though Harry was waiting for him, specifically.

“Hear you’ve been talking to Niall.”

Harry, who had had his eyes cast down over the water, suddenly looks over at him. He hates the way Harry always seems to see more than he should.

Louis plows on. “Real nice going behind my back and chatting up my friends for information.”

“I didn’t ask your friends anything.” Harry’s tone sounds too even for Louis’ liking as though it all means as little to him as Louis has always suspected.

Louis huffs out a disdainful breath.“No? Well, you sure listened when he opened his big mouth.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I should have asked them a long time ago,” Harry says, letting go of any pretense of indifference. “Fuck you, you’re doing it all over again. You get angry and then shut me out without even speaking to me, without even bothering to find out if your suspicions are right.”

“Aren’t they though?”

“You can’t keep hiding here, Louis.” Harry’s words sound like a plea to Louis’ ears, but it doesn’t faze him.

“I’m not--”

“You are though,” Harry interrupts. “Scientists don’t even winter at Halley.”

“The dedicated ones do.”

“This isn’t about your dedication to the research though anymore, is it? This is about you hiding from your life. You can’t spend years here, Louis. Life _\--real life--_ will pass you by.”

Harry’s words try to wind and twist themselves into the fissures they find in Louis’ head, breaking him apart just like the ice that threatens Halley. Louis thinks that maybe he shouldn’t have come up here.

“Lou?” Harry’s voice breaks, and it sounds a thousand kinds of wrong as Harry pulls off his sunglasses and turns away for a moment to wipe his eyes. He turns back and pleads with more than just his words. “Come home with me to London after the season. Don’t stay here in the dark.”

Louis’ head can’t quite wrap themselves around this. It’s not what he expected him to say, and it’s rubbish, is what it is, to try and manipulate him like this. Why is everyone so dead set on him leaving the one safe place in his life? Well, what used to be safe anyway. He squints into the sunlight and shakes his head as though he could rid himself of these words he didn’t know were coming.

“We both knew the score this time, Harry. We knew this wasn’t something that was going to last. Why are you even talking like this?” He waves his hand around in the air. “Like all this meant something?”

Harry looks like he’s been slapped for a moment, but then, he just shakes his head sadly. “You know it meant something. It always did. But you’re still afraid. I get it, Lou. I do. Just--I want you to know that when you make it back from here--when you come home, I’ll be there. Whenever you come. Even if it’s just as a friend.”

Harry leaves him there on the top of a cliff with thoughts he’s spent years ignoring. And then he sees it. A minke whale appears out amidst the ice and water of the bay. He actually begins to call out Harry’s name, before he realises that he’s alone again, and there isn’t anyone to share this moment with. So he stays there watching a grey whale make his way around the bay until snow begins to fall in shining crystals around him like glitter in the air.

One week later he says goodbye to Zayn and Niall and watches as the last of the Rothera summer crew departs Antarctica. He refuses to look for anyone else.

///

Louis takes a deep breath as he walks slowly down the curved street. He looks in wonder at the pastel facades of the homes and lets the colours speak to him. It’s been so very long since he’s seen colour like this that hasn’t been covered in white.

The April sun peeks through a few clouds, and he looks up at the sky. He’s still glad of the light, despite all his readiness to spend the next months in darkness. It warms his face as he shades his eyes to look at it, and he marvels at the thought that he’s actually gone somewhere and forgotten to wear sunglasses or goggles, remembering a life where he doesn’t need to hide them at all times behind a tinted lens.

His eyes adjust to the light as he looks forward now at the numbers on each one of the unique exteriors until he reaches one painted a vibrant yellow with a red door. A tree stands just outside the small iron fence that surrounds the house, leaves sprouting from its branches, reminding him of a spring he hasn’t seen in years. A bicycle leans on the fence just inside the open gate within the slightly overgrown garden as though someone hasn’t been here in some time to trim back the overgrowth. It calls to him in some strange way even if it wasn’t the only house on the street with an open gate.

He walks inside the gate and shuts it and takes another breath of thanks to the final aeroplane out of Antarctica with the last of the team assigned to move Halley. He’s a bit shaky as he places his palm flat against the door, gathering his courage. He can hear someone inside or maybe it’s music he hears. He closes his eyes. He can do this. It’s time. Another breath. His fingers tingle a bit as he knocks. He sways a little on his feet as he backs up a step to wait.

When he opens his eyes again, it’s to the sight of Harry standing in front of him, eying him warily. “What are you doing here?”

“I came home,” Louis says, his voice shaky as he glances back over his shoulder at the oddly bright sky as though asking for a bit of extra nerve. “I came home for you and the light. Am I--is it too late for me?”

His heart stops as it waits to either be broken or saved. No, not saved. He knows that he’ll be okay. This world holds promise to him either way, whether Harry wants him anymore or not. He pictures his brother’s face and his sisters’ faces when he had arrived home and holds them in his heart as he waits.

He watches a tear slip down Harry’s cheek, and it takes Louis by surprise just before he’s gathered in Harry’s arms. Their lips find each other in a kiss, frantic and rough, and Louis can’t tell if the tears between them are Harry’s or his own, maybe both.

They pull away finally after a minute or two or ten, Louis isn’t even sure how long they’ve been standing on Harry’s doorstep. Harry leans his forehead against his own.

“You’re not too late. I love you, Lou.” Harry’s voice sounds so sure, it leaves no room for Louis to doubt. “I’ve known for--a while. I just didn’t think you were ready to hear it yet.”

Louis opens his mouth to respond.

“No, love. You don’t owe me a response just yet. I want you to start getting used to the idea though--that what I feel for you is real.”

“I’ve been in love with you since fucking Cambridge four years ago, Harry.”

“You should probably come inside,” Harry says, his voice a shade darker than it was just a moment ago. “Before I start ripping your clothes off in public.”

Louis’ heart fills again with laughter and love and so many things he’s been missing since he let the ice in.

Harry takes his hand and brings him home.

~*~

 

 

Glossary for _When the Sun Won’t Let You Sleep_

 

  * **“Big Red”** -the nickname of the living module on Halley VI which houses the kitchen, rec area, dining area, bar, and gym
  * **British Antarctic Survey** -the UK’s national Antarctic operation that delivers and enables scientific research in the Polar regions.
  * **Comm’s office (or manager)** -shortened version of “communications office” or “communications manager”; they’re in charge of aircraft communication, central command, and communication with the outside world
  * **Dobson** -an instrument used to measure atmospheric ozone, also known as a Dobson spectrophotometer
  * **Halley VI Research Station** -an internationally important platform for global earth, atmospheric, and space weather observation in a climate sensitive zone; famously discovered the hole in the ozone layer in 1985
  * **Modules** -a number of units designed to create a more complex whole, in this case eight modules make up the Halley VI station (this includes two sleeping modules, a command module, a living module, a generators module, a plan module, and two science modules.
  * **Mogul Master** -a snow trail groomer (commonly used for snowmobile trails) that processes and compacts snow


  * **Phillips Light** -specially designed light boxes that imitate natural light, can be used as a more natural alarm clock, and is also used for light therapy purposes, important for use in an environment where there is either constant light or constant darkness
  * **Pit room** -small bedrooms in the research station that can sleep two people and are furnished with bunk beds, a desk, some small storage areas, and a Phillips light
  * **Radiosondes** -an instrument carried by a weather balloon into the atmosphere which transmits measurements via radio
  * **Rothera Research Station** -the largest British Antarctic facility is a centre for biological research and a hub for supporting deep field and air operations
  * **Spectrophotometer** -an instrument that measures a light beam’s intensity
  * **Whiteout** -weather conditions in which visibility and contrast are severely reduced by snow often leaving someone with a distorted orientation and unable to see the horizon or even small distances in front of them



 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading my Antarctica fic! If you liked it, please leave kudos and/or a comment! And if you could [reblog this fic post](http://allwaswell16.tumblr.com/post/176697232956/when-the-sun-wont-let-you-sleep-written-by), I will promise to love you forever! haha <3
> 
> Thanks so much to taggiecb for betaing and cheerleading and basically holding my hand the entire way through, and another huge thank you to yousopugly my Brit picker who i am so thankful to for all your help! 
> 
> While I did a lot of research into Antarctica and in particular the British Antarctic Survey research stations, some of the things in the fic were, of course, just to move the plot along and might not have been completely, technically accurate. Some of what happened in the fic were actual things that happened with the Halley VI research station, although I sometimes took liberties with the timelines of how things happened.


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